Just say a WORD

Long, restless nights

Wishing to see your smile—

Oh, yes, the pain will stop soon,

Or at least that’s what I had in mind.

This monster in my closet must be just my imagination.

He keeps me afraid that he will take you forever

And continue to live on through the rest of the family.

But we refuse,

Yes, REFUSE!

Refuse to let him take our soul.

Refuse to not say a word.

You should have been more open,

Open with not just yourself, but us.

We were there when you were smiling,

But your smile easily covered your frown.

We were there to help,

Or at least I was.

We told each other every single thing,

Or at least I thought we did.

The monster continues to get closer, and closer, and closer,

And your weight is going down, and down, and down.

Hospital visits happening more frequently

But it’s no biggie, just a minor lump,

The lump that can travel through the whole family’s humps,

Humps that we will have no more,

Just a piece of plastic to cover scars—

The scars you could have prevented from happening—

Just by saying four words:

“I HAVE BREAST CANCER.”

But now it’s a little too late to say a word.

Your laughter will be no more,

Or maybe I will hear it when the wind blows.

Pain fills my eyes with running tears,

But I will continue to live on

Just remembering your laughter, scent, and smile.

It all motivates me to live openly,

Without regrets

And living everyday like it’s my last.

I never knew the feeling of heartache.

Sadly, that feeling came too soon.

I lost the best thing I never knew I needed,

Or maybe she’s right here beside me.