Thoughts Lead to Actions

October 27, 2010
By Madison2197 BRONZE, Clancy, Montana
Madison2197 BRONZE, Clancy, Montana
3 articles 22 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
-Love is when you tell a guy that you like his shirt... and then he wears it everyday after that.
-Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.


How hopeless must life be
When it develops into a wound,
That not even death could heal.

For if suicide is a sin,
Then you should know.
What’s waiting on the other side?

Only when you realize this,
Will you fully see death solely,
As failure to live.

When Hell’s demons appear to call
To devour,
To heave you down
Into a world of misery as you pass on.
You’ll be imploring the taste of death all over again.

These are the things haunting your thoughts
As you look
Down,
Down,
Down
Onto the sleeping city below.
A city that is now forty-seven stories
Beneath where you stand.

It’s all about to be over,
Until the rain seeps down
From these sunless skies.
Suddenly,
Gleaming drops of liquid life
Rush in streams
Over your frozen, suffering body.

You think about how happy you were
When you were little.
Laughing,
Playing with friends
Out in the rain.
You think ‘I bet I could feel that way again…’
Then you quickly remind yourself,
You haven’t felt that way for years.

Then suddenly,
You realize.
This one moment,
This one action,
Will ruin all the other moments,
Dreams,
And actions
Yet to come.

Remembering how long you’ve been waiting,
Dreaming
Of these final seconds.
You’ve made up your mind.


And as you look up
Towards the stars,
Your foot rises.
Takes that one step,
That will change everything…

The other foot follows,
Backwards,
Onto the top
Of the building.

Standing there,
You smile to yourself
And lie down,
On the cold
Rooftop.

You’re still looking up
At the stars
When you fall asleep.
To envision
The first,
Of countless more
Dreams.


The author's comments:
Please give me some feedback if you read this. I've never been very good at writing poems but I would like to be so I'm trying haha

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This article has 4 comments.


on Nov. 12 2010 at 4:21 pm
Boosflash DIAMOND, Jacksonville, Florida
54 articles 0 photos 2066 comments

Favorite Quote:
Get, Got, Gotten.

sooo...you missed the point-thats great. iwouldnt comment if ididnt like it. " I do like what i did read." reread me captain.

on Nov. 11 2010 at 7:55 pm
Msrbl@Bst BRONZE, Columbia, South Carolina
4 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love is the opiate of the universe.

I liked this :) But i do have some suggestions/critiques.

You honestly could have cut out about a third of this poem and still got your point across. I feel like toward the middle it was a blatant attempt at being "deep." You don't need to try so hard b/c it's obvious there are some great thoughts floating inside that head of yours :) 

Also, i feel like i didn't completely understand the ending, but i think it's something i may have to take into deeper thought. 

Overall, it was pretty good. Some of the lines were like fillers (didn't really need to be there). They just kind of added to a mood that was already set, which in a way made your tone redundant instead of fresh. 

BUT, to wrap it up, i did enjoy the poem! Sorry this comment is so long! I just wanted to give you as much feedback and advice as i can cause i know it's hard to get it sometimes!

Keep up the good work and keep practicing! :)


on Nov. 11 2010 at 7:20 pm
Madison2197 BRONZE, Clancy, Montana
3 articles 22 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
-Love is when you tell a guy that you like his shirt... and then he wears it everyday after that.
-Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today.

so you dont like it? thats totally fine because i want people to be honest so thank you for being honest. do you have any suggestions on how it could get better?

on Nov. 11 2010 at 3:08 pm
Boosflash DIAMOND, Jacksonville, Florida
54 articles 0 photos 2066 comments

Favorite Quote:
Get, Got, Gotten.

honestly, i'm too distracted to read the whole thing, the first three lines were good enough fior me-not that i'mthat shallow-you know i didnt stop there. i do like what i did read captain.do your dance. si tu veux etre un ecrivain, tu dois pratiquer souvent.


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