What's In My Journal

What is in my journal?
Never ending pages of stories,
About guys I've had the hots for,
and girls.

First crushes and kisses.
Short-term relationships
that I can't count on two hands.
Break-ups and pain
that plunge deep into my heart.

And drama;
Enough to last a life time.

In my journal, I speak
through tear-stained pages
from my heart and mind.

I speak of
Bitterness, arguments, death, love
and more commonly,
depression.

I speak of powerful feelings and expressions,
that cut deep into my wrists, my veins
as they stain the pages crimson red.

I speak of goals I wish to achieve..
And moments of happiness and clarity
That I long to drown in
forever.

I speak of Bible verses and words
of inspiration,
that simply... don't inspire me.

I speak of music singing
or screaming
in my ears,
and the delight and relief it brings.

I speak of how the tips
of my fingers tap the keys
of my antique piano.
until they are content and sore.


I speak of expressing myself
through writing,
and the overflowing pages of
favorite quotes.

I speak of pictures
that I stare into,
that I am lost in
and wish I were there
in them.

I speak of friends
new and old,
and the laughs and fun that come along
with them.
and all the fights we find ourselves getting into.

I speak of forgiveness
But not forgetfulness.

I speak of old times,
memories,
and near death experiences
when I was a child.

I speak of family issues
and my own personal problems.

I speak of lies, guilt, and pain
in which I am smothered in.

I speak of the past
and the life-long struggles
that I can't seem to overcome.
and regret.

I speak of the present
and the mistakes and bad choices
(and good)
that I've made
that have gotten me to this point.

I speak of the future;
Of fear, hope, faith,
and determination.


I speak
until my hand is numb and sore.
until it aches with completion.
until it is
finished.

In my journal...