Marvelous messy milky way

October 21, 2010
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As I was chewing on the marvelous Milky Way, I could feel the smooth spread of caramel sliding down my moist throat. The smell was sensational, chocolate and caramel fumes flew up towards my nose. The chocolate was crunchy all I could hear was crunch, crunch, and crunch like walking on dried leaves in the darkness of the woods. I could feel the whipped chocolate; it was very similar to whipped cream, yum. The candy bar all together tasted magnificent, like a splash on my taste buds. I remember the smooth chocolate with a few lumps on top. Then before I knew it, it had disappeared. When I was eating the Milky Way, my face was covered in caramel, and my hands were soaked in melted, warm chocolate I could have just slurped it off of my hands. I had pig written all over my messy face from the way I engulfed the Milky Way.





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ashbash This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 27, 2010 at 11:58 am
I love your descriptiveness and I adore your detail! The only thing I suggest you might fix is it doesn't flow really... It seems more like a bunch of sentences rather than rhythem. I still love your poem, and I love Milky Ways! :)
 
shellbi123 replied...
Nov. 29, 2010 at 7:38 am
yeah, i get what you mean, and thanks for commenting, i appreciate it.
 
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