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Shame?

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My heart is racing and it won’t stop
I’m telling myself it will all work out
And not listening to the voice in my head
That knows it won’t
I need my head to turn off so I can sleep
But my thoughts are a tornado
And I toss and turn in the sheets
Their reassurances never help
Because I know the truth
And they don’t understand
I did nothing wrong
I’m the victim
But here I am
Asking for forgiveness
I wish I was brave
I wish I could stand up
But I’m always pulled down
I’m stuck here at the bottom
Flat rock surrounding me
No way to climb up
Seeing me so low makes you higher
I wait to wake up
But this isn’t a dream
Words have failed me
Like they always do
Some things are understood
And never said
But that’s not the case with us
And even though this is nothing new
The shame still attacks
And these scars don’t show
You will never know
I’m running so fast for you
And you let me go
Can’t you see that I’m only running
So that you will hold me back
My lungs are bursting for you
To give me some reason to believe that you care
But as you get smaller and smaller in the distance
I find myself running back
Into your waiting arms





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