No
You push me away
Push and pull
Like the endless games of tug and war on the playgrounds of our youth
Where the only violence anticipated was
if Jimmy ever found out that you stole
his lunch.
Red Rover, Red Rover let angst rush right over
Into the hallways of hell that they call
middle school
Where in English class unspoken thoughts of
“No, Don't” “You geek, freak!”
Forbade the many opportunities of self worth
To be shared amongst peers, in fear
Of the cost of dirty looks in the cafeteria the period after
My mother, oh my dear mother
The one who sent me off to school
With kisses and promises of “You'll be fine, sweetheart”
Saying how I can be anything I wanted to be
Saying that middle school is the stepping stone into
Adulthood.
My mother never knew that like pin the tail on the donkey, I glided through life
blindfolded, numb, like the morphine they gave me when I had my last episode.
Mommy, did you ever stop and wonder why I entered through the back door after school with not a sound at all?
How I retreated to the sanctuary of my room, avoiding the creaky step third from the top, you know the one, the one that always woke you up at night.
How Daddy would notice that like a ghost, I did what I had to survive in life with no passion a flicker in my eyes, just an
obsolete abyss of irises.
My fight or flight reflexes had dwindled down to just one word
Flee.