Nothing Special

October 14, 2010
By thisangelhasfallen SILVER, Altadena, California
thisangelhasfallen SILVER, Altadena, California
7 articles 0 photos 0 comments

When I look in the mirror I see nothing special. A girl with a so-so face, big eyes, great hair. You could see that on every corner of every street you pass by.

Nothing special.

Yet under this simplicity there is a network of complex routes and tunnels, emotions and thoughts, thousands and thousands of web -like connections that keep me going. That keep me from falling down and not getting back up. This normal girl has a lot of mysteries. Mysteries not even I can figure out. Yet this confusion is what makes me unique. How I want to know the facts, the truth about every little feeling. I need to know the logic, even when it can not be explained.


Sometimes, things can not be explained. Like how I ended up like this, trying to find meanings in the meaningless. All I know is that someday, someone will be able to figure me out, and explain to me…myself. But right now there’s no one. So I sit here, looking into this mirror, staring at this girl with the so-so face, the big eyes, and the great hair….trying to work out the complexity of my emotions, the ache in my heart. Trying to find the reason why I’m nothing…

Nothing special.

But, this nothing special should be special to you. From the tips of my fingers to the tips of my toes….it should be mesmerizing. Yet…when you see me you sigh, and compare…if I am so boring, why do you love me so? Or am I just fantasizing that day when you said those three words. Of course I am. How could you love me when I don’t even love myself? We are both just along for the ride…and soon our turn will be over and we will have to depart.


When you know we can’t stay here for long. The timer has run out. It’s time to come back down to reality….where you know that things don’t always work the way you want them to, and when the mirror only shows the bad things. That’s my life. The ordinary in the extraordinary. But you were supposed to make my life special again. You were the extra…but of course, all that sparkle…that glare…that shine…it has to run out sooner or later.

And you’re left with nothing special.

So keep walking down that hallway with your head held low, ignoring me, pretending that I don’t exist…of course I don’t. In your eyes I was a failed experiment. And you were right. All those days of laughter, they were soon followed by days of sadness…of anger…we were just a young couple in lust. The passion blinded our common sense, masked our sense of direction, and before we knew it we were lost…out in open water. The only thing to guide us were our emotions.


They were the one who won. They got the best of me, of us. And now we are two people with these emotions pitted toward each other….the hatred, the shame, the embarrassment, all aimed at me for one sole purpose. To make me feel the same way. And guess what? You won. And now as you look at me in the hallways and keep walking along, I’m standing here looking at the width of your shoulders and how I wish they would be surrounding me, and how you seem to look just as sad as I am…just come back to me. And yet, why should you. Im nothing special.

Yeah. That’s right. Nothing special.

The author's comments:
My self esteem issues written in words.

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