October 12, 2010
UnaSource Surgical Center
Sitting on the couch in the lobby
Feeling my knee throb,
I am expecting agony.
Linkin Park blaring through my headphones
Drowning my thoughts of fear.
I had been through this once already
But anything can go wrong
After it has already failed once.
I walk back into a room
Taking a seat on the gurney.
Trying to get mentally prepared;
Two shots in the arm,
Three in the leg,
Only 30 minutes ‘til blackout.
The nurse comes in
Trying to make me smile,
But no one smiles before the end.
Lines are drawn all over my leg
And the first two shots are injected.
Not as much pain as last time,
But I know what to expect.
The anesthesiologist comes in,
Time to shut it down.
Three more shots pass
And my leg is numb in minutes.
Dr. Samani comes in,
He tells me to hang in there,
Says everything will be okay…
But it won’t.
Something is put in my IV,
Ice begins to flow through my veins.
I’ve felt this before.
My brain begins to scramble,
Body feeling light
As I am wheeled into the operation.
The temperature changes
And I begin to shiver,
Waiting for the end.
My eyes begin to wander
As I trace the patterns on the ceiling,
Knives all around,
And the chatter of six doctors.
A heating blanket is placed across me,
A second dose of ice swims through my veins.
I am starting to feel lost,
For the end is so near.
A lady with dirty blonde hair and green eyes
Comes to the edge of the table.
She says some things that I never heard
And places a mask over my mouth.
The gas begins.
Three breaths.
The end has come.

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