It’s him.

For the first time in months,
she woke up genuinely happy
thinking to herself
‘my life can’t get any better.’
and its all because of him.
she knows she shouldn’t be with him
knowing there is no point
he is just going to repeat the past
but she can’t help it
he has that effect on her
makes her forget who she is
makes her forget their past
all the hurt and heartache
the lies and the cheating
the wondering if he is being true
wondering if he still feels the same
because she knows
she knows how quickly
his interest can wane
its happened before
and every time it does
she sits and cries
thinking about where she went wrong
what she can do better
why he left her
he says he loves her
that he never really stopped
she tries so hard
to forget him
forget them
but it’s no use
she just keeps getting sucked back in
keeps getting lost in his lies
hoping he will realize
all the shit he has put her through
but she knows thats a fat chance
he prefers not to think about those things
to keep living in a dream
thinking that she will always be there
that when things go wrong
with someone else
he can just call her up
say he is sorry
that he messed up
and expect her to just melt
to come right back to him
and she knows
deep down inside
that he is right
that she will go back to him
because he is the only guy
who got to know her
who understands her
who makes her feel beautiful
makes her feel special
like the only girl in the world
and she revels in that
revels in the thought that she is his
that he loves her
that he needs her
that he wants her
but then she remembers
all that she has done for him
all of the things she still does for him
then she thinks
is that why he is with me?
is that why he keeps coming back?
because of what I do?
what I can do?
is that all he sees in me?
then she starts to regress
go back to those times
when she felt she wasn’t good enough
that she didn’t deserve a boyfriend
that she wasn’t pretty
then she stops
reassesses things
she is beautiful
she is good enough
and she feels better
then she thinks
its him
its not me
im perfect the way I am
I know what I want
I know what I need
it’s not me
it’s him.