Anno Domini

I want the infant eyes I once had,
Untainted and good.
I’d like to live in you again.

Sometimes I push my head
up against your stomach.
make myself believe that really living. if I push hard enough,
all your skin will fall back,
and I can curl up inside you, right
back into my first womb.

reattach my umbilical cord
to feed off you.

I want your heart to beat for mine.
For a while,
mine’s so broken,
that with every rhythm I know it pulses only
because it is involuntary.

If I could control it I would rip it apart
and sew it back together
over and over again.

Just so
I could feel my viscera heal,
and know
that blood always clots.