A Fascination with Monsters

I am so tired of living
Not saying I want to die
I am so tired of truth
Not saying I want to lie

But the human side of me
Has control of who I am
And often times she
Forgets the pain of caring

She tends to care too much
When all others only see
The tragic flaws of loving grace
The endless shame and misery

She tends to wear a grin
And look upon the velvet lace
That shrouds logic in darkness
And leaves all others in their place

And that face, oh that face
The one I see in the mirror
She has the beauty of loving grace
If I could only see her clearer

She loves him even though
He wore the track marks on her arm
And as the hurt begins to grow
She finds it easier to hold on

A memory, a scar
A mere trace of who we are
A reason, a dream
To see that nothing’s as it seems

And she wears her emotions
Proudly on her sleeve
So all can see the obvious loss
She would rather not believe

She cares more for him
Than any sane girl ever would
She allows more from them
Than self preservation should



She feels what she shouldn’t feel
And knows what she can't admit
She lives in the surreal
And sometimes even valid events

What I want is to be free
To walk alone without love
I need for no one to see
What I have been dreaming of

I need to let him go
Along with every other grief
And to show apathy only
Towards what lies beyond belief

I need to still my heart
And bleed still less
These are the only methods
Of cleaning up this mess

I want to be hollow
More so than I am now
Just to breathe and nothing more
I just wish I knew how

I wish I could forget
What it’s like to break apart
And how it feels when I
Am left with a steady rotting heart

I wish I could blame him
But the truth is way too deep
And it’s really not his fault
This secret is too heavy to keep

It is not my fault I care
It’s the human side of me
So I must venture into my soul
And kill the girl residing there





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blondie7 said...
Jan. 6, 2011 at 11:13 am
wow, this is amazing, it truly touched me, i this you are an amzing writer!!!!
 
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