Blue Eyes

September 12, 2010
I want out
This is done
Can’t believe I thought
You were the one

You turned on me,
I’ll turn on you—
An eye for an eye,
Because yours were blue?

Sky-blue eyes
Meeting earth-brown
Pale white hands
Striking me down

I’ll never forget you,
How your smile set me free
I’ll never forgive you
For the way you used me

Don’t want your excuses—

Your mother this,
Your father that,
I wish you’d just loved me
And left it at that.

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This article has 26 comments. Post your own now!

AlexanderQ said...
Dec. 5, 2012 at 7:18 pm
The poem flows really beautifully, but I didn't really understand the racism theme until after reading the author's note. However, looking back through the poem I can definitely pick out the parts where you mention it. I really liked it besides that though.
Fayrouz This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 10, 2010 at 2:27 pm
The racist theme isn't really that evident. I thought it was about love or something. Try to incorporate the racist theme in there more, which is going to be MIGHTY difficult. The poem's rhyming is good though and if you don't want to add more in about the racist theme, it's fine. It's just kind of a prickly thing and since you're not writing about skin tones, just eye color, it'll be tough.
apocalyptigirl replied...
Oct. 10, 2010 at 3:39 pm
But it is about love. And racism. I didn't want to come right out and be too obvious, or, god forbid, moralizing. I'd rather make the reader think than just tell them what to think, if you know what I mean. :P I do talk about skin color, but it's easy to miss if not read carefully.
Aginger said...
Oct. 9, 2010 at 8:16 pm
That was very good. I like he meaning behind it; the color of the eyes and everything. Keep writing!
wordjunkie said...
Oct. 9, 2010 at 9:56 am
hmm. i agree you should stress the racist theme a bit more, its not very obvious when i first read this i really liked it, but i thought it was about a boy who thinks hes better than a girl just because hes hotter. then he kinda just made excuses not to see her because he was embarassed. on second look i can see the racist thing but it takes a little explaining. over all a really good poem. said...
Oct. 6, 2010 at 6:48 pm
oh, that had really great emotion nd feeling... ur words were, again, spot on. awesomeness!! :]
apocalyptigirl replied...
Oct. 6, 2010 at 7:22 pm
Thanks a lot! :D
Killer_PianoForteist said...
Oct. 6, 2010 at 4:49 pm
this is a really cool poem! Its depressing, sure, but nice vocabulary and is it an ABCB pattern? Well, its really good. Nice job, keep up the good work!
apocalyptigirl replied...
Oct. 6, 2010 at 6:36 pm
Heh, there really isn't any pattern...I didn't exactly plan anything in terms of rhyme. Did it turn out ABCB? cuz if it did that's complete coincidence. :P
AvengedJasonFold said...
Oct. 5, 2010 at 7:27 pm

I liked the poem! Sorta... see this is the kind of thing  I always have to hear from ex-gfs "you used me! you hate me!" and it's all not true so reading anything of that nature tends to turn me off but I still think this was a solid work of art.

But I spent more time trying to figure out what the "authors comments" thing meant. I still dont get it lol

apocalyptigirl replied...
Oct. 5, 2010 at 7:49 pm
In summary: He ditched her b/c she wasn't white, and his parents didn't approve.
apocalyptigirl replied...
Oct. 5, 2010 at 7:50 pm
(see stanzas 3 and the last one)
AvengedJasonFold replied...
Oct. 5, 2010 at 7:55 pm
well racist people aren't worth her time anyway lol
apocalyptigirl replied...
Oct. 5, 2010 at 8:05 pm
well of course not...he just gave in to his parents b/c he's a wuss like that...hmm. she seems more angry and sad than just sad and sad in she wants revenge or is mad at herself as well or something...
AvengedJasonFold replied...
Oct. 5, 2010 at 8:17 pm
he's a wuss like that... wouldn't it make the poem more powerful and "revengeful" (don't know the right word for that lol) to include something that characterizes him that way?
apocalyptigirl replied...
Oct. 6, 2010 at 6:30 pm
Oh, maybe...the implication is that his parents made him break up with her. Well, whatever, I'll write a revengeful poem later..."I hate you! You evil ex-boyfriend! You are such a wuss! You couldn't take me! And now I'm going to egg your house!" lol :P
AvengedJasonFold replied...
Oct. 6, 2010 at 6:36 pm
I mean it was just a suggestion you don't have to lol I thought that's just what you were getting at in this poem lol
apocalyptigirl replied...
Oct. 6, 2010 at 6:38 pm
No, no, I know, I just thought it would be fun to write something mroe obviously about revenge...
AvengedJasonFold replied...
Oct. 6, 2010 at 6:42 pm
I always think it is xD
apocalyptigirl replied...
Oct. 6, 2010 at 6:46 pm
lol you would, AvengedJasonFold. :)
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