Ode to Mother

September 20, 2010
By Anonymous

lonely,
lonesome
quiet fear

but don’t
don’t you dare
treat me as the child I really am
for no longer am I
I gave that up all too long ago

I am no child.
I am no infant.
toddler
newborn
foolish offspring
I am an adult –
I have been since I was ten

Perhaps I did not choose this
what child would?

nothing
is like this
nothing

I am not the same as you
you had no childhood
but you made mine –
short as it was –
great
and wonderful
and grand

you left me to want for nothing
and I think... that perhaps you should have
it would have made me
want
and covet
and desire
and fancy a magnificent lie

but
that isn’t the truth
I have been neglected.
Not in meals
or clothing
nor material possessions

But… I cannot remember the feeling of your touch
soft hands
to brush against my skin
sweet voice
to lull away my nightmares
I... miss that

still you give it
to my little brother
or older sisters when they ask
but I...
I will be silently crying
I will mutely be begging for the touch that you...
know the others need without asking
but I...
you will not heed my unspoken request
not see my silent plea for attention
for I am an adult now
and have no need for that frivolous pleasure
of wanton, cosseted years


The author's comments:
When I was ten years old my father died in an accident. My mother began to drink and... I was already alone to begin with. I never had gotten along with my siblings and shut down after he left us.

Today she is better. She rarely drinks and is a good mother. But neither of us understand how to fix the rift between us.

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