father of mine

September 18, 2010
my father, dear father,
you've hurt me so badly, this pain i cannot show.
everything i try to hide is everything you don't know.
all the sadness, all the cuts,
every single cry,
it hurts me to now realize my whole life has been a lie.
your humor, sensitivity, smiles...
they've all been a show,
masking this demon,
shutting away all i didn't know.
my hero, my savior, my "all time favorite dad",
it's funny how you think that alcohol is the only thing you have.
when your anger becomes apparent,
and your hurt comes out,
although you wish to cry,
all you can do is shout.
your soft, glistening eyes,
bluer than the sea...
everything i want in a dad is nothing you wish to be.
your sweet smile, so nurturing,
now a devilish grin,
pursed between your lips,
more then just a sin.
as the alcohol takes over,
your eyes turn to hate,
not looking for a kill..
looking for some bait.
bait to start a fight,
to say all you don't mean,
what you fail to realize,
is everything I've seen.
the lies hidden beneath the fear,
you don't see everything you've caused...
just by that one sip of beer.
now troubled and afraid,
to alcohol i won't go,
after seeing what it's done to you,
in me i don't want that to show.
the way you react,
always so obscene,
what you cannot recognize...
you're really really mean.
as i beg for you to stop, plead for you to quit,
you begin to sober up,
but only for a bit.
everything people say you are,
a kind and gentle man,
I'll never be able to see...
as long as you remain hidden behind that beer can.

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miracle_of_hope said...
Aug. 16, 2011 at 6:57 pm
wow powerful
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