I miss you

September 6, 2010
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I don’t know what
To feel, because
Feeling doesn’t
Seem real, now
That you’re gone.

In these tight spaces,
Darkness creeps in,
Reminding me you’re
Not here to help me

Your heavy loss sinks deep
In my heart, this is a role
I never wanted to know
From the start, but now
I fear I don’t know how
To appropriately play the

Grieving for you seems
Weird and not real, I
Can’t tell if this heart
Of mine will ever heal,
But you’re still with me it
Seems, you not being here,
Only a surreal bad dream.

I’ll be standing outside,
In the small green yard,
Calling your name,
Repeating it over and
Over, just the same, as
I’ve always done, waiting
For you to come out, so
We can hang around.

They tell me it is denial,
But it seems like you’re
Still here, and always will
Be for awhile. They just
Don’t know what exactly
Is going on, they think I’ve
Gotten weak, vulnerable,
But you know I’m still

They say I only carry your
Memory, that soon, eventually
It will fade, and things will go
Back to reality. They say I
Need to come to the hard
Realization that you’re really
Gone, but you’re still with me,
I can feel it, they’re the ones
That are wrong.

I’ll go and sit on the rusty
Old dock, lounge around
Till it gets to be seven o’
Clock. Then we’ll walk
Home in the cool summer’s
Night, talking about anything,
Everything, all about life.
We’ll get to the street and
Hear the frogs peep, we’ll
Get to our houses, as the
Evening night arouses. Say
Our goodnights, and know
That for once, everything’s
Going to be alright. I still
Feel you here, still know
That you’re near.

This is why I hold your heart
In the palm of my hand, I
Know that you’re with me,
I know you understand.
People tell me that I need
To let go, but I’m not ready yet
To be like you, and fully know.

The vibrant crimson sky is
Disintegrating into a dusty
Gray, everything slowly starts
To fade away. As the day turns
To night, and the news finally
Pushes through my denial, opens
My eyes, I’m not strong anymore,
The strength I once had, I now
Can’t find.

This can’t be true, the headlines
Don’t know you. You’re still in
The orange state, you’re still
Trying to recover, building
Yourself up again to be great.

And in a month, I’ll see you again,
Reminisce old times from when
We would go around every weekend.
When we were young and free,
When it was the rest of the gang, you,
And me. I long to see you again
My brother, my friend.

But when the parade of black storms
Down our old street, I’ll look to
You, for the last time, and
Understand it’s the final time we
Will meet. I’ll engrave your face
Forever in my heart, I’ll put on the
Suit, to play the part. And when
They lye you down, into the cool
Hard ground, I’ll whisper so as you
Can only hear, that I’ll always keep
You near, in my mind you’ll forever
Be, the friend I will always need,
You will be missed and loved always.

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