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Falling away from everything

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A sigh of relief comes out before I go to bed
I have survived another day here
Dreaming about when I move out and being able to be on my own
Hearing the music surrounding me deafening everything else out
Feeling the bushes brush up against my winter coated fingertips
Remembering myself as a young child playing with my brother
Wanting to be amazed to see where I am when I open my eyes
Tasting life for the first time as myself
Not being afraid to be who i feel inside this worn out body
Grasping for another day here while I'm alive and can still see
Hoping god will grant me this one wish to stay here
Lusting for the one I love to see this and thus be amazed
Waking up to my dad wanting me to work
Fighting with my mom because I don't agree with what she thinks
Crying because I'm so utterly lonely and desperate to feel loved
Gasping when i realize my dream wont come true
Falling away from everyone I know
Running away from those who truly care about me
Tearing up inside because I have nothing to grasp and hold onto
Longing for my life and for everything to come back to me
Before its all lost
Screeming from all the agony from this pain I feel
Pushing the pages of my life closer so I can gain it all back
Burning the house down when there is nothing left for me
Lighting the pipe to calm me down
Wasting away the days that i should be celebrating
Laying down on the cold wet ground that sends a chill through my body
Dreaming of the beautiful field that I dreamed a long time ago
Remembering everything by touch
A vision of dancing with my mother in our dresses so white
Pretending that she was still alive and well
Flashback to the day of her funeral an wishing she wasn't cremated
Touching the cold pail skin that used to be vibrant and beautiful
Waking to the train arriving for my departure
Thinking its time to go home
Walking the roads that I walked when i was a little girl
Flashback to when me and my big brother used to run up the steps to my mothers arms
Embracing my dad in his old state of being
Apologizing for never staying in contact
Hugging my Brother and crying because I don't feel alone
Touching the gentle white lace in my hands seeing how handsome my dad looks in a tux
Holding my brothers hand and praying that they'd never let go
Who knew I'd be the one who did





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