Sleep

August 21, 2010
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I need energy,
That fuel,
Slipping through my fingers,
Like sand,
To a beach of anger,
Created by stones and boulders,
By pain and fear,
By the thought that,
I’m losing her,
I know I have my claim,
She’s my best friend,
She’s basically my sister,
Stop being a moron,
Stop overreacting,
This isn’t a big deal,
But it is,
And it’s not just her,
Everything is changing,
My closest friends,
Aren’t friends,
How can that drop away,
Like sand through my fingers?
Cannibalistic sand,
Fueling my beach of anger,
What happened to the fairytale?
To my beauty by day,
My beast by night,
My partner every minute,
Summer changes everything,
Why is it beloved?
Probably the freedom,
The fun,
The vacations,
Why don’t people go,
Visit the beach of anger?
The shells of the lonely,
The ocean of happiness,
Never pulling sand and shells away,
I would,
But I’m too tired,
I guess it’s good,
I’m already there,
I’m tired, so tired,
Tired of this,
Off not understanding,
Of irrational pain and fear,
Of feeling alone,
Of me against the world,
Of my house,
These walls,
Summer.
I’m tired of overreacting,
But I can’t help it,
She’s my best friend,
What else can I do?
I just wish,
I had my fairytale,
I wish I could,
Close my eyes,
Sleep.





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This article has 10 comments. Post your own now!

iluvnacho said...
Nov. 25, 2010 at 12:29 am
I liked it :) The good was that you used really good metaphors such as "beach of anger" and you had beautiful language "The shells of lonely, the ocean of happiness" Keep up the good work. I usually don't read long poems, so great job. :D
 
ForeverFelix replied...
Nov. 25, 2010 at 12:42 pm
Haha xD thanks nacho
 
Fayrouz This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 2, 2010 at 4:03 pm
True, true, true! I love how everyone can relate to it. However, I think you can make it better by editing it and replacing the normal words with words that will make your friendship seem more magical. It's already shining with friendship's joy but revising it will make it shimmer! Good job, tho! And keep writing cause that's the only way to get better!
 
CallMeFelix replied...
Oct. 2, 2010 at 4:05 pm
Thanks =) but I'm not sure what you mean about replacing the normal words...like, which normal words are you talking about?
 
AsIAm This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 21, 2010 at 9:39 pm

The Good:  I loved it!  The imagery was awesome, and I could totally feel for the main character.  

The Bad: NA :)

The Random: He's right - summer does change everything.  Funny how that works...

 
CallMeFelix replied...
Sept. 22, 2010 at 6:09 am

"She's right...." it's a girl xD well, it's me.

Anywho, danke schoen AsIAm!

 
A.Dreamer said...
Sept. 18, 2010 at 8:27 pm
I like how much it came from the heart! You told it straight out, but also managed to fit some metaphors in there. :)
 
CallMeFelix replied...
Sept. 18, 2010 at 9:02 pm
Thanks =) I really appreciate you commenting on basically all my work, by the way!
 
apocalyptigirl said...
Sept. 13, 2010 at 8:09 pm
I really liked the "beach of anger" metaphor and how you described the way it looked. The only weird thing about that was the "cannibalistic sand" thing...how does sand (even if it eats other sand or humans) fuel a beach of anger? Also, it really bothered me that there were commas at the end of every line. Towards the end of the poem I was so distracted by the punctuation overload that I was barely reading the poem anymore. A line break is like a tacit comma or small pause anyway. I ... (more »)
 
CallMeFelix replied...
Sept. 13, 2010 at 8:17 pm

Haha, I just kinda wrote it, typed it, submitted it...didn't notice the commas and I didn't add the stanzas xP As for the cannibalistic sand thing...I just kinda figured that cannibals can be kinda violent and angry, and sand fills a beach, so I put them together...plus, cannibalistic sand is what I think of when I think of my friends (don't ask). I just let this flow...like most things I write...and kept it how I wrote it =)

 

Thanks for the advice!

 
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