Before the storm

August 18, 2010
By Captain-Tightpants GOLD, Lawrenceville, Georgia
Captain-Tightpants GOLD, Lawrenceville, Georgia
18 articles 17 photos 19 comments

Standing on the mountain top
Is so very lonely
When there's no one with you
No one but the wind and lightning
And the night is coming far too fast
When the fear starts to grip you
And pulls you back down
Back into your doubts
Your secret little lies
That you even tell yourself
When you're alone in the dark
Hoping for the sunrise
To bring a little hope
And praying for some superficial contact
To remind you
What it is to be human
But there's no contact here
No smiles on the street
No lovers on park benches
Well past midnight
There's just a lonely man
Watching life below him
With no way back down

The author's comments:
This poem has two inspirations, one is the phrase "It's lonely at the top" and the other is watching people cut off contact to achieve something (usually a promotion or something)

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This article has 11 comments.


on Oct. 2 2010 at 8:49 pm
NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 531 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't believe in hell but I believe in my parent's couch-- Watsky

I like the raw meaning in this.  It was cool how you weren't tentative to use normal words like 'very' instead of trying to fancy everthing up.  My only ccritique would be in the lines "Hoping for the sunrise
To bring a little hope" you used 'hope' twice, and that sounded repetitive but not purposfully.

on Oct. 1 2010 at 2:37 pm
Samantha.07 GOLD, Doylestown, Pennsylvania
15 articles 0 photos 20 comments
Thank you.

on Sep. 30 2010 at 9:36 pm
Captain-Tightpants GOLD, Lawrenceville, Georgia
18 articles 17 photos 19 comments
This poem is done. I'll keep it in mind and write another though.


I'll read your piece later, but not right now, personal issues.

on Sep. 30 2010 at 8:26 pm
Samantha.07 GOLD, Doylestown, Pennsylvania
15 articles 0 photos 20 comments

The poem is...nice. I think it's a litte overdone, though. Not the poem, the concept, of being alone. You're good with your words, and explaining things in a simple way, but maybe you can add a twist to this poem that makes it more unique. Perhaps a characer or an allusion of some sort?

 

Hope this helps! mind reading one of mine (Stars)?


We-R-3 BRONZE said...
on Sep. 29 2010 at 5:52 pm
We-R-3 BRONZE, Orlando, Florida
1 article 0 photos 344 comments

Favorite Quote:
A picture is worth a thousand words, however it takes a real artist to turn words into pictures.

Have you heard about the new Lebron Iphone, you have to set it on vibrate because it doesn't have any rings

Rhanks for the explanation love it...

 

You probably don't need this but great job!


on Sep. 29 2010 at 3:07 pm
Captain-Tightpants GOLD, Lawrenceville, Georgia
18 articles 17 photos 19 comments
The deepest concious meaning I put into is that people will shut themselves off to achieve something (hence the mountain) The storm and the night are our fears that come and assult us when we're alone and have no-one to support us. We deal with fear and lonliness by lying to ourselves usually, telling ourselves it will be okay. Then we move into the second half of the poem where we remember what we gave up and we miss it. There's often no way to go back to that though and you have to move on from where you were.

on Sep. 29 2010 at 3:01 pm
Captain-Tightpants GOLD, Lawrenceville, Georgia
18 articles 17 photos 19 comments
I didn't intend it to be cynical, I do think it's rather bleak though.

K.Saini said...
on Sep. 28 2010 at 11:39 pm
K.Saini, New Delhi, Other
0 articles 0 photos 6 comments
I like the deeper meaning behind this, though personally, it's a bit cynical. But i think it's true for many of us.

on Sep. 24 2010 at 2:21 pm
MidnightWriter SILVER, Ontario, Other
6 articles 0 photos 225 comments

Favorite Quote:
Writers are a less dangerous version of the career criminal. Everywhere they go, they see the potential for the perfect crime. The difference is that writers have better self control.

It's a really nice piece of work. i like it.

on Sep. 22 2010 at 11:04 pm
Aristine BRONZE, Coppell, Texas
1 article 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
Show me a hero and I will write you a tragedy. - Scott F. Fitzgerald

I love the lack of punctuation here. It worked very well to make the lines blend into each other and you managed to prevent the flow from getting jumbled, which often happens without periods and such. One suggestion I have would be to replace "secret little lies" to "silent/quiet lies," or even "softly-spoken lies"- it sounds more natural that way.

Other than that, well done. I can definitely sense the inspirations in here and the formatting was well chosen.


We-R-3 BRONZE said...
on Sep. 18 2010 at 3:18 pm
We-R-3 BRONZE, Orlando, Florida
1 article 0 photos 344 comments

Favorite Quote:
A picture is worth a thousand words, however it takes a real artist to turn words into pictures.

Have you heard about the new Lebron Iphone, you have to set it on vibrate because it doesn't have any rings

I enjoyed this piece, I can sense a skin deep meaning but also a deeper one, I am very bad at reading really deep into poetry, would you mind giving a small explanation.


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