Before the storm

August 18, 2010
Standing on the mountain top
Is so very lonely
When there's no one with you
No one but the wind and lightning
And the night is coming far too fast
When the fear starts to grip you
And pulls you back down
Back into your doubts
Your secret little lies
That you even tell yourself
When you're alone in the dark
Hoping for the sunrise
To bring a little hope
And praying for some superficial contact
To remind you
What it is to be human
But there's no contact here
No smiles on the street
No lovers on park benches
Well past midnight
There's just a lonely man
Watching life below him
With no way back down





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This article has 11 comments. Post your own now!

thepreechyteenager said...
Oct. 2, 2010 at 8:49 pm
I like the raw meaning in this.  It was cool how you weren't tentative to use normal words like 'very' instead of trying to fancy everthing up.  My only ccritique would be in the lines "Hoping for the sunrise
To bring a little hope" you used 'hope' twice, and that sounded repetitive but not purposfully.
 
kaira07 said...
Sept. 28, 2010 at 11:39 pm
I like the deeper meaning behind this, though personally, it's a bit cynical. But i think it's true for many of us.
 
The-Mentalist This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 29, 2010 at 3:01 pm
I didn't intend it to be cynical, I do think it's rather bleak though.
 
CanadianRose This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 24, 2010 at 2:21 pm
It's a really nice piece of work. i like it.
 
Siphor said...
Sept. 22, 2010 at 11:04 pm

I love the lack of punctuation here. It worked very well to make the lines blend into each other and you managed to prevent the flow from getting jumbled, which often happens without periods and such. One suggestion I have would be to replace "secret little lies" to "silent/quiet lies," or even "softly-spoken lies"- it sounds more natural that way.

Other than that, well done. I can definitely sense the inspirations in here and the formatting was well chosen.

 
Itwasamurder... said...
Sept. 18, 2010 at 3:18 pm
I enjoyed this piece, I can sense a skin deep meaning but also a deeper one, I am very bad at reading really deep into poetry, would you mind giving a small explanation.
 
The-Mentalist This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 29, 2010 at 3:07 pm
The deepest concious meaning I put into is that people will shut themselves off to achieve something (hence the mountain) The storm and the night are our fears that come and assult us when we're alone and have no-one to support us. We deal with fear and lonliness by lying to ourselves usually, telling ourselves it will be okay. Then we move into the second half of the poem where we remember what we gave up and we miss it. There's often no way to go back to that though and you have to move on fro... (more »)
 
Itwasamurder... replied...
Sept. 29, 2010 at 5:52 pm

Rhanks for the explanation love it...

 

You probably don't need this but great job!

 
Samantha.07 replied...
Sept. 30, 2010 at 8:26 pm

The poem is...nice. I think it's a litte overdone, though. Not the poem, the concept, of being alone. You're good with your words, and explaining things in a simple way, but maybe you can add a twist to this poem that makes it more unique. Perhaps a characer or an allusion of some sort?

 

Hope this helps! mind reading one of mine (Stars)?

 
The-Mentalist This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 30, 2010 at 9:36 pm
This poem is done. I'll keep it in mind and write another though.


I'll read your piece later, but not right now, personal issues.
 
Samantha.07 replied...
Oct. 1, 2010 at 2:37 pm
Thank you.
 
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