i am not

August 2, 2010
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it is four fifty-three
the red numbers glow in the darkness
decisions, decisions wait for me
into my skull their fingers press

"come," they whisper
"come," they demand
they bring me to a lake, to the water i edge closer
decisions pull me to where i can no longer stand

the water is boiling hot!
the moon has fled!
im underwater and i am not...i am not..
ready! i am not ready! the numbers shine red

it is five oh-seven
i scream and scream, decisions tangle my bedsheets
five eleven.
my fingers slice the air where light and darkness meet

decision's red eyes glow
the numbers on the clock change
i remember delivering the first blow
it is fueled by rage

the smash of cheap plastic
screw flying through the air, past my head
the remains make me sick
yet, i sleep soundly with time no longer at the side of my bed

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