Waving Goodbye One Last Time

August 8, 2010
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I close my eyes and think back to when you cared, back to when I was a little girl and you stroked my light blond hair. As I lay my head slowly on my soft white pillow, I look up at you with gleaming eyes “You always make me happy when im with you”. You smile down and kiss me lightly on my small forehead. I ask if you can read me a bed time story before I go to bed. You sit next to me and place your arm around my tinny little shoulders pulling me closer to cuddle. “Once upon a time” you continue to read on well watching my bright blue eyes come slowly to a close. You lift your arm from under my small head, pulling the cover’s over and tucking me in. Flash backs can be the most precious thing until they flip into a horrifying dream. Every memory that I think of with you, I start off with a smile. Soon after I think more about it, it fades into a frown. Wishing you would look at me, treat me and see me the same way you did when I was a little girl, but knowing that wish will never come true. I am no more a little girl, but a girl who has grown up so fast your eyes can’t even see im your own daughter.

You have moved on and disappeared, missed out and forgotten everything and anything that involves me. Growing up without you was a hard step, but look at me now. I may have bits and pieces missing from my life, but through every bad and good memory of you I myself have forgotten. I forget the dream of you finally being in my life once again, the thought of being your little girl. You’re everything. There are now people in my life that make every day a better one. No one can replace you but by the look of it you have all ready replaced me. A new family is never a bad thing, but to forget about your own and start to only seem to care about the others hurts. I have new people in my life, may not be bonded by blood, but I care for them and love them just the same as any other. Its seems to me that your heart isn’t big enough to do so, so you push your daughter out of your life.

You make me sick half the time; you act like you still know me when u call. That is when ever you do, weather it’s a month, a year or a decade. When some big event comes along, you think its fine for you to show up after not talking to me for at least a year and pretend that everything is ok. Well it’s not, and never will be with you. No matter how much I love you or how much im related to you, you will never chance from your old selfish ways. If that is one thing my mother has taught me it is that. When a person ever cheats, hit’s, lie’s or puts themselves before anything else, that they will always do so for the rest of there life.

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