My World

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In My World,
the grass is greener,
on my side.
There are,
enough worms,
for every bird.
In My World,
Everyone's,
a friend,
Nobody's
in need.
The mice
will play,
Whether the cat,
is here or not.
In My World.
Good things,
don't come to an end.
War,
is peaceful.
Rome,
wasn't built in a day
and neither,
was My World.





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xkissofcrimsono This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 4, 2010 at 10:56 pm
I liked how almost blunt this seemed while incorporating those different sayings. It took a lot of cliches and put a twist on them. My only critique is be careful with punctuation, there seem to be a few extra commas that created an awkward pause when I was reading
 
Thesilentraven This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 3, 2010 at 7:42 pm
What a wonderful world! (No allusion to Louis Armstrong initially intended). It is a very cleverly written blend of popular sayings and your own person. Great job!
 
Poemfriend said...
Sept. 3, 2010 at 8:45 am
wow! that is really really good. what gave you the idea to right it
 
The_Squirrel replied...
Sept. 4, 2010 at 3:49 pm
I was actually listening to the Louis Armstrong song at the time. I opersonally, can't stand the song because it reminded me of  my grandfather. Then I realized that my world would have him, and this came.
 
Poemfriend replied...
Sept. 5, 2010 at 8:13 am
Im sorry about your grandfather. i wont sing any more because i used to sing with him. but  he inspired me to start writing and all my poems are dedicated to him
 
The_Squirrel replied...
Sept. 5, 2010 at 11:03 pm
Louis is really amazing. I dont really mind about my grandfather anymore though, he died like 8 years ago.
 
BeautifulRoses replied...
Sept. 9, 2010 at 10:15 am
oh. my grandfather died about 3 years ago. it was 7 days b4 my b-day and then the memorial service was 3 days later
 
introducing.me_899 said...
Sept. 2, 2010 at 9:18 pm

yayy!! *claps :DDDD

that was awesomely amazingly brillliant!!! i loooved it!!!!!

 
Zazawish777 said...
Sept. 1, 2010 at 6:35 pm
this is amazing. i love it. 5 out of 5 stars! please rate and comment on mine thanks!
 
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