My sadness reeks

Don't ask me how many times I've fallen
Don't ask me how many times I've cried
Don't ask me how many times I've died on the inside
Don't ask me how many times I've hated myself
Don't ask me how may times i've said curse you
Don't ask me how many I didn't tell the truth
Don't ask me how many times I've omited details
Don't ask me how many times I've broke down
cried heavy wet tears

I don't really know how many I've done things
Like that
If you are going to ever ask me a question
At least get a clue
I'm through
Caring for anyone
I've decided I CAN NOT CARE about people for awhile
No more tears I've cried enough
No more emotions They've called my bluff
No more talking I have the right to remain silent
just silence
Reigns on the heads of many
My tears leek through
I can't hide it anymore
Excuses wouldn't work
And no matter how hard you try to get truth
I won't give it to you
I'll tell another story
That seems as realistic as life
I'll tell it until I start beliving my own lie
My tears leeked onto the side of the pillow
I laughed in spite of myself
Once more crying cause I like myself
And then someone as ignorant as you
Would ask me why are you mad, upset
Cause The smile only lasts for one year
It can only take so much sadness
I look like I've cried
I smile like I've cried
The tears have leeked
And things I smiled at things that cut me deep
I smiled at risks and took them
I smiled at your jokes and laughed
When really can't you see That
My sadness reeks


So I smiled only to hide
The many times I've fallen
The many times I've cried
The many times I feel like I've died on the inside
The many time I've hated myself
The many times I've said curse you
The many times I didn't tell the truth
The many times I've omited details
The many times I've broke down
And cried heavy wet tears
Count as many times as I smile
And that is the number of times
I've done all these things

I want you to love me
Yes to love me
love just that one part that makes you happy
Love just a little bit
And
Then when you come when I'm feeling weak
And come to hug me
You'll see my tears
And no longer wonder why i cry
No longer ask how many times
You'll already know
While everyone else is happy
While everyone sleeps
While everyone laughs and talks
While everyone leaps
So far
My sadness sits there and stares them down
My sadness doesn't want them not to be happy
Only me
Only i should feel pain
Only i should gain
No tears
No emotions
No nothing
I almost seize to exist
Everything happy fades away
Everything sad fights to stay
While everyone else sleeps
My sadness reeks





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