The Window to the Right

Maybe I should have held you a little closer
that callous winter’s night.
When sun poured in and out the window to my right.
Earth was laden with whirls of placid snow.
Luminescent stars poured through the infinite black sky.
I breathed in that smell.
But it wasn’t smokiness in the air.
It was the aroma
of hope.
The essence of someone who cared.
Past tense?

The glass shatters
and people pull down the shade
but I look at you and try to see the person
that loves
everyone.
Present tense.
You’re in there somewhere
In shards of glass to my right.

Beads of rain pour down the window
as tears down our cheeks.
But the real you isn’t afraid
to take trepidation’s fingers when they grab you
and grab them back with your faith.
You’ll tell the storm about the resonant hope
dwelling deep down
in a bittersweet awakening.
Future tense.

The awakening will come
as soft as whispers of the heart.
But it’s strong enough
To calm the industrious winds.
The Whisper
Will tell the rumbles of thunder to stop bellowing through your soul.
Peace will be instilled
like a dove
Penetrating desolate clouds.
I’m praying.
Hoping.
Waiting.
Helping.

He’ll drive until the road is lost
I’ll sit in the passenger’s seat.
Once I needed your compassion
But now mine is part of your ransom.
It’s funny
how things change like that.
In a split second
Like a bolt of bellicose lightning
Streaking through a stormy sky
Destroying lives.
Repairing Lives.
It’s up to you to decide which.

You’ll come running home
And I’ll forgive you
Like no wrong had ever been done.
And there is a man in white somewhere
That I think is watching both of us
And soon He’ll call you home with His open arms.
But until the glass is repaired
By love
And the shutter lifted
By courage
I’ll wonder
If maybe I should have held you a little closer
That callous winter’s night.
Because it was the last time I saw light pouring out
The window to the right.





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JustAnotherOwl said...
Jul. 13, 2011 at 11:06 am
Truly awe-inspiring! (: I love the wording, the intelligent way you've said things. I love the change of the tenses. This was very creative and you are very talented! I honestly don't have any complaints about this one!
 
Beachgirl1 said...
Mar. 13, 2011 at 3:08 pm
This is beautiful, I love it!
 
theheartoflizz said...
Jan. 11, 2011 at 4:15 pm
This is a lovely poem. It has a sort a beautiful darkness to it, very mysterious. I loved the way you describe things in different tenses ( i believe that is what you were doing) it's a really unique angle for a poem. Your rhyming was wonderful, almost as if you weren't doing it on purpose, it just flows really well. Very good job. :)
 
Hazel-daisy This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 30, 2010 at 6:11 am
Wow amazing!!! i love the way the rhyme is subtle and only present sometimes. i also loved the way it said past tense? Present tense etc. this is a really beautiful piece of poetry...well done!!! i hope my feedback was helpful!! excellent work!!
 
OfficialApprover This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 20, 2010 at 7:30 am

Alright. I'm here returning the read, *honest* feedback.  I chose this one instead of the essay because essays are rather hard to critique--you can't critique the content, only the writing.  Poems are also difficult to critique, but I'll do my best.

 

This one is more difficult to critique than most because it was....beautiful, for lack of a better word.  The flow was right on, and there weren't any especially rough spots where I wondered where the rhythm had... (more »)

 
whammy said...
Dec. 17, 2010 at 8:11 pm
Great work! I love how you combined so many emotions while still keeping a nice flow through out. 
 
shayna101 said...
Dec. 11, 2010 at 12:54 am
absolutly amazing :D you are very talented... also great vocabulary this sounded very professional and impressive. I really liked the different tenses too. Your writing style is very unique and creative.. good work
 
DevinQuin said...
Dec. 10, 2010 at 10:08 pm
I found it!! And wow it was really great! I especially like your allusions!
 
JenMikalaEngel said...
Dec. 8, 2010 at 9:42 pm
I really enjoy this poem! The word choice is very nice, and the past/present/future tense is creative. The only real criticism I have is that the meter and beat is off at times, but most of the time it was spot-on. Good work.
 
Sarah R. said...
Dec. 6, 2010 at 7:05 pm
I can relate and I like how you did it in different tenses it was great :)
 
ElijahN said...
Dec. 3, 2010 at 10:46 pm
Whoa, this is much better than I clicked on it expecting. So much attention to detail...IN A POEM, that's amazing, really.
 
gracegirl29 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 4, 2010 at 6:55 am
thank you!
 
maybesomeday2 said...
Dec. 3, 2010 at 8:40 pm
wow wow wow!!!! absolutely looooove this. i can relate so much, i once had someone in my church who i rly looked up to and she was everything to me. something happened and she's not the same. we dont talk anymore..and ive always wnodered what could have happened if maybe id have been there more. this poem is so beautiful it makes me want to cry..which is PERFECT!!!!
 
gracegirl29 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 3, 2010 at 8:44 pm

that's creepy . . . that's exactly what this poem is to me and exactly how it makes me feel. let's agree to pray 4 each other's friends. G.od bless:)

~Kirby

 
Phoenix97 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 27, 2010 at 8:36 pm
This is beautiful! I love it, but I feel like there's a deeper meaning that I don't understand yet. What is the meaning of the window to the right?
 
gracegirl29 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 27, 2010 at 8:50 pm
Well, it's kind of a long story. I had this friend, and i used to look up to her a lot. then, i remember talking to her one night, everything was fine, but as she walked off i somehow knew that she wouldn't be the same for a while. and i was right. to this day, i hate whatever it was that took her away. i prayed really hard and showed her as much compassion as humanly possible. i knew the person i admired was somewhere underneath a pile of brokenness and shame. i knew the light was there th... (more »)
 
Phoenix97 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 27, 2010 at 9:02 pm
Wow. Knowing why you wrote this makes it so much more beautiful. I sincerely hope that it gets published and that your friend comes back to her faith. 
 
thestorycritic said...
Nov. 20, 2010 at 11:57 am
Also I loved how you bought back the first lines of the poem in the end. :)
 
GemValley250 said...
Nov. 19, 2010 at 2:08 pm
That was a brilliant poem, you should definetely write more poems- i think your very talented, like what many of the other commenters thought:)
 
SMWells said...
Nov. 14, 2010 at 7:23 am
Beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I nearly cride.
 
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