I am not free,

Instead, I am a prisoner in my own mind.
I am not guilty,

But innocent.

Always
fightingfightingfighting

I am not weak, I am not defeated yet, and am not a giver-upper
I am not healthy, healed, nor properly functioning,

Instead: I am a soldier, battling a constant internal war, tortured in a stalemate.

Always
fightingfightingfighting

I do not have a flawless brain, mind; I have one that hurts to use:
Constant
painpainpainpainpain that I am accustomed to.

I am not the same,

But hardened: I have seen pain,

Lived with constant pain,

Seen the ghosts of a past without pain,
Appreciated what it’s like to have a lack of pain.

Always
fightingfightingfighting

I am not an innocent child, walking carefree through the high school halls.
I am not a teenage girl whose biggest dream is to be looked at by a senior guy.
I am a teen whose biggest dream is to be healed.

All that I have to hold on to is a wisp of a memory of what it was like before,
a wisp of hope that things will be like they were before,
but even now I’m losing a grip.

Because my mind is unpredictable, and even the important
factsmemorieshopesdreams

Are blending together
Or those
f a c t s/ m e m o r i e s/ h o p e s/ d r e a m s
are sli p p i n g out of my reach.

431 days.
10,344 hours.
620,640 minutes.
37,238,400 seconds.
And counting.

But I am not giving up. I am not submitting myself.
I refuse to surrender.
I am a fighter.

Always
fightingfightingfighting.