All I see is empty space, flat land all around; there’s no end in sight. This misery, hopelessness won’t rest, not until it breaks me down. Not until it scatters my remains throughout peoples’ minds, like this was their fault or something. You never know, no one is who they claim to be. Except, who truly knows themselves? We lie to ourselves every day, surely that can’t be healthy. This numb feeling can’t be healthy either, but it’s all I feel: emptiness, all around me and inside me. I search and search for happiness, and just when I think I’ve finally grasped the feeling, it slips away, leaving me more damaged. There are holes inside me, on my very being; there are pieces missing from me. It’s strange though, I don’t remember when the holes formed. I think they were always there, just not evident yet. Each breath I take, I feel them. It feels like I won something, but I still have that feeling of losing in me. It’s sickening really, but for me it’s normal, it’s who I am. I accept things for how they are, misery and all. There's no use trying to change it, right? My purpose has always been pleasing everyone else. It’s in my blood. I don’t know how to change these feelings. I’m just useless, like an old sponge. I’ve done all I can for you, for everyone; my importance was only temporary to you, to everyone. If you only knew how much I can still do for you, for the world. I used to have a certain glowing trait; my smile sent radiant beams all over, making others smile. I used to be happy…but that was then, this is now. Now I’m lost on a plane, stretching for miles with no end in sight. There's just me and this emptiness, forever.
July 15, 2010