July 10, 2010
I step outside
a strangling heat engulfs me at every corner
slowly my body relaxes,
as if allowing this intruder to enter
I can't breathe,
sweat starts rolling down my face, my back, my arms and legs
but I can't move,
I am a deadweight
my eyes are open but they don't see
my arms are hurting but I am numb
a light breeze wafts through,
coming to my rescue,
cooling off my body,
allowing movement
I raise a shaking hand to my cheek,
the sweat is still
dripping, pouring, trickling,
down my face
but it isn't sweat,
this substance is coming from a different source,
one that is used for moments of true sadness,
true heartbreak,
I take my hand away,
what I see next is
blood is coating my hand
the blood of a girl no longer in control of her self

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This article has 5 comments. Post your own now!

WithPenAndScript said...
Aug. 8, 2011 at 11:37 am
I like how you twisted it around that was different than i thought it would be and its always good to surprise a reader with poetry. Love the description
teenbookworm14 replied...
Aug. 9, 2011 at 2:01 am
thank you so much :) i love when comments are long and explain what the readers like/dislike!
WithPenAndScript replied...
Aug. 9, 2011 at 10:33 am
Any time! I do too! When i see a poem I like I liek to give the write a nice long description :)
ilove2read124 said...
Aug. 30, 2010 at 8:31 pm
very descriptive, but is there blood when she wipes her face?i thought it was tears, when it said heartbreak, but "no longer in control" does tht refer to cutting, or something?haha just confused
awriterslife replied...
Aug. 31, 2010 at 5:27 am
well its kind of metaphorically speaking she is so sad that shes crying tears of blood from her heart and it twists and ends up to be literal. "no longer in control" i guess kinda refers to the thing i said above, hope my expl. helped :) keep writing!
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