All you need is him.

July 9, 2010
By , Battle Ground, WA
Part 1

My best friend, my first love, my hero.
You were everything to me…
Now all I have is my pink pillow
And tears at night, but that’s meant to be.

Everyday you’re in my mind.
“Does he miss me?” I sometimes wonder,
“Man, he’s so brave, so sweet, so kind.
I can’t believe I lost him.” My thoughts are like a thunder.

The spin around, bring me down.
They won’t let go no matter what.
I feel depressed from past regrets,
From all the moments that didn’t last.

I tell myself that I don’t need you.
That there are others I can fall for.
But for some reason I don’t believe it.
It only makes me what you more.

I still remember that one day…
…And that first time I saw you.
Your wink at me that took my breath
And your long and messy hair.

The first handshake. My cold hands.
Your gorgeous smile and the stairs.
Your handsome look that third time you came
Wouldn’t make the butterflies go away.

All those moments are clear in my head,
While the rest is just a blurry end.
The form spring, the talk with my dad…
The tears when I was alone in my bed.

The following fights about nothing at all
Drama, confusion, and yeah…broken hearts.
The time will pass, wounds will heal
But the scars and memories will always be real.

“What would you do if I broke your heart?” I once asked.
“I would still love you.” That’s what you said.
Then you asked me the same question, and remember my response?
“I would still love you…with all its broken parts.”

Some time past and hearts were broken.
Confusion and hurt was blinding me…
…but there was one thing that I could clearly see.
And it was my love for you that never did fade.
No matter how hard I wanted it to erase.

I remember the last time I texted you.
I’m sure you remember it too.
I’m sorry I ruined your day,
But there were some things that I just had to say.

Later I realized it was a big mistake.
When your words pierced my heart way too deep.
Hot tears rolling down my cheeks…
And all the thoughts that started to creep…

Everything else was a blur.
The time seemed to freeze
and the world started to spin.
My phone fell to the ground and I wanted to scream.

I wanted to scream that I hate you.
I wanted to tell you I wanna forget you.
I ran to my room and slammed my door shut.
And no matter what I did or do, all I can whisper is… “I still love you.”

Your last words…they torture me.
They haunt me and hurt me.
What you think of me just kills me.
But I guess that what I deserve.

You wouldn’t believe my words.
You called me a liar.
I’m hurting so bad, I know you do too,
…But I never did lie to you…

I don’t know why I’m writing this.
I know you will never read it.
But I need to talk to you and since I’m scared,
I’ll just pretend you know this.

I’m scared to ruin your life again.
I’m scared you will get mad.
But I want you to know I miss you…
…So much I sometimes get depressed.

Sometimes I wish this never happened.
I wish I never fell for you.
And other times I silently thank you
For those few months of happiness, for your love too.

Your love was so amazing.
I could feel it all the time.
In your words and smile…
…In your pretty deep blue eyes.

I want you to know that I don’t blame you
For anything that happened.
It was all my fault and there’s
No reason for me to hate you.

I still think you are the best.
like in those good old days.
I wanted to forget you. Fast.
But tried and failed and ran out of ways.

I wanted to get over you and all.
I tried to fall for others.
But the feelings I wished for…never came
and I knew it’s you who had them all.

I tried to tell my head some lies.
I tried to trick my heart.
But everything just kept repeating,
“He’s the only one you want.”

I wish we could be friends again.
I wanna go back to the start.
I wish I could press rewind.
I wish I never broke your heart.

I seem to cry so much now
When I remember our dreams
That are now broken and our stupid “ifs”
Our inside jokes and funny grins.

I miss you superman, I miss you tons.
You are everything to me, I love you lots.
Right now as I’m writing this, my mind is set.
Tears are rolling down and my notebook is all wet.

There is so much more I wanna say.
This is not even a half of all.
But to say it I can’t find a way.
My head spins and world seems so small.

Part 2

After I wrote that poem,
You know I felt so so better.
It felt like I actually talked to you
But whatever, that doesn't metter.

Or it doesn't matter is what I tell myself.
When I'm down and no one seems to care.
You know, your the one who understands.
But your not here with me, life isn't fair.

But why blame it on life?
When I know it's my fault.
And you know how it hurts?
Take wounds and add in some salt.

Hurts? Yeah but I hurt so much more
From my stupid decisions and words.
I love you so much..I wish you would know
But I won't tell you. My thoughts are too slow.

Why would I tell you?
It's not like you care
I broke your wonderful heart.
That doesn't seem fair.

You loved me so much..I could feel it.
You wanted to be a big part of my life.
I wanted it too, but I broke it off.
Man, these these memories stab my heart like a knife.

I'm sorry for everything I did.
But I did give you everything I had.
I have no love left for any other.
Which makes me mad and sad.

I still remember our talks..
Our inside jokes and two hour good-byes.
How I would wake up early just to talk to you.
And my love for you that was always so true....

Join the Discussion

This article has 7 comments. Post your own now!

Cody Jehrins said...
Aug. 5, 2010 at 1:40 pm

wow. i mean WOW. you are good! dude, this is so emotional! i could feel your pain while reading this. im sorry you had to go through this. i went trough a recent break-up too. hurts like heck! 

great job on your poem though! it was long, but worth reading! whoever this poem is for, should read it. they should know what you went through

alenkaaa replied...
Aug. 7, 2010 at 11:30 am
thank u!!!
crubs3 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 4, 2010 at 8:49 pm
this is so amazing!!! i lvoe it and its so powerful!!! If you could please rate and comment on my work that would be great!! thanks and ur sooo good!!!
alenkaaa replied...
Aug. 4, 2010 at 9:32 pm
i would love to! thanks!!! but u mind rating this poem too? lol Thanks!
Kelly C. said...
Aug. 4, 2010 at 2:22 pm

Its so deep..and so full of emotions..

great job! I love how you were able to transform your feelings into words!

Collado92 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 4, 2010 at 12:20 am

This was imtimating to read, looked a little to long. But it was worth I like this it's deep, conveys how you feel quite well. nicely done =)

please check out some of my work and let me know what you think.

alenkaaa replied...
Aug. 4, 2010 at 12:45 pm
thank you soo much!! and sure! i would love to check out your work! i always return the favors! :)
Site Feedback