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Last Words

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A hallow breath escapes his lips
One of the last ones he'll ever take
Once he falls asleep
He will never awake.

Family gathers around him
Crying for the one that will leave
Hoping each moment
He'll be able to breathe.

In between breaths of life
He squeezes out some words
His voice is like the sound
Of sweet hummingbirds.

"Don't worry bout me
I'll be okay
God will protect me
Each and everyday.

You'll see me soon
Time will fly
But just for a little while
I'll have to say goodbye."

His heartbeat lowers
And his eyelids slowly close
Gradually all around
Sounds of pain and happiness arose.

Pain for the heartache
Of a lost one
And happiness for the joy
Of him seeing the heavenly Son.




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chelliex65 said...
Feb. 20, 2011 at 10:44 am:
Some of the rhyming was a bit off, but otherwise it was really good. I couldn't have written something this like this since I'm horrible at poery. Kudos. :)
 
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Emmaline said...
Sept. 20, 2010 at 10:51 am:
really cool! but y did he die?!? its sad =-(
 
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Penmaiden said...
Sept. 19, 2010 at 8:02 pm:
It's very nice.  What a lovely message.  Some of the rhyming pattern is a tad off, but it's gorgeous enough not to notice =)
 
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SamiLynn said...
Sept. 19, 2010 at 4:46 pm:
wow I got chills from this. again, love the rhyme and rhythm. It rhymes without being cheesy or losing the impact :D very very well written
 
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AvengedJasonFold said...
Sept. 19, 2010 at 3:56 pm:
nice! reminds me of the band Creed's lyrics except I think this was better written honestly. I'd say all your rhymes worked really well and it flowed quite pleasantly.
 
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singing4ever said...
Aug. 28, 2010 at 12:03 am:
Very sweet and innocent. Simplicity at its finest. Beautiful poem.
 
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singing4ever said...
Aug. 28, 2010 at 12:01 am:
very pretty, touching and innocent. Simple goes a long way. Winderful poem.
 
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riley... said...
Aug. 16, 2010 at 2:01 am:

first things first. im riley, and ive heard you are angie? haha well, i think we j7x-ers should know each other. so im riley, nice to meet you :)

 

secondly, this is a great poem. so innocent, so carefully written, but so deep. you are very talented. keep writing! :)

-J7X team-

 
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JohnWallOfTheWizardsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 12, 2010 at 11:59 pm:
it isniceand simple you don't attempt to make intense sorrow arise before reaching the end, you allow a perfect flow from begining to end which allows you to be able to think afterwards. It is also an issue people can relate to (not me thankfully) but I feel the end is touching.
 
JohnWallOfTheWizardsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 13, 2010 at 12:00 am :

woohps forgot my signature

J7X team

 
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iDogrocker said...
Aug. 8, 2010 at 8:16 pm:
This was a very touching poem that conveys the loss of a loved one so gently. It was beautiful! The only question I had for you was, at the beginning of the poem, did you mean "hollow?" Lol. 
 
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abster55 said...
Aug. 6, 2010 at 12:35 pm:
This poem was so sweet and meaningful! The feelings were expressed quite well!
 
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DeadPeopleKinndaGrl said...
Aug. 5, 2010 at 7:56 am:
This is really goo, how it was short and sweet. I loved how u made it clear that he wasn't afraid or sad to die and that he would be in a better place. Also that it was both a joyous and sad moment. Great Job!!! Thanx (:
 
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CASTROLmatt said...
Aug. 3, 2010 at 10:37 pm:
Wow this was really cool. I like how you showed both perspectives on death, how it isn't always so sad, but happy because they're in a better place. Very nice.
 
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EmmaNemma said...
Aug. 2, 2010 at 4:32 pm:
I liked what you wrote about and portrayed the way feelings can conflict with eachother in situations like these.
 
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just.me_899This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 2, 2010 at 9:55 am:
i remember thinking this was really good in the story. this poem's real meaningful to it... :) good job
 
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gymbabe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 1, 2010 at 10:31 pm:
Aww, that's really pretty, sweet and well-written.  Good rhyming. Nice job, Angie!
 
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