Last Words

July 7, 2010
By Just.A.Dream SILVER, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
Just.A.Dream SILVER, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
7 articles 0 photos 431 comments

Favorite Quote:
Part of the J7X team. :)


A hallow breath escapes his lips
One of the last ones he'll ever take
Once he falls asleep
He will never awake.

Family gathers around him
Crying for the one that will leave
Hoping each moment
He'll be able to breathe.

In between breaths of life
He squeezes out some words
His voice is like the sound
Of sweet hummingbirds.

"Don't worry bout me
I'll be okay
God will protect me
Each and everyday.

You'll see me soon
Time will fly
But just for a little while
I'll have to say goodbye."

His heartbeat lowers
And his eyelids slowly close
Gradually all around
Sounds of pain and happiness arose.

Pain for the heartache
Of a lost one
And happiness for the joy
Of him seeing the heavenly Son.



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This article has 17 comments.


on Feb. 20 2011 at 10:44 am
chelliex65 BRONZE, Farmingville, New York
3 articles 0 photos 29 comments
Some of the rhyming was a bit off, but otherwise it was really good. I couldn't have written something this like this since I'm horrible at poery. Kudos. :)

Emmaline said...
on Sep. 20 2010 at 10:51 am
really cool! but y did he die?!? its sad =-(

on Sep. 19 2010 at 8:02 pm
Penmaiden BRONZE, Minnetonka, Minnesota
4 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
Poetry is thoughts that breathe, and words that burn. ~Thomas Gray

It's very nice.  What a lovely message.  Some of the rhyming pattern is a tad off, but it's gorgeous enough not to notice =)

on Sep. 19 2010 at 4:46 pm
SamiLynn PLATINUM, Anthem, Arizona
20 articles 9 photos 137 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The unexamined life is not worth living." ~Socrates

wow I got chills from this. again, love the rhyme and rhythm. It rhymes without being cheesy or losing the impact :D very very well written

on Sep. 19 2010 at 3:56 pm
nice! reminds me of the band Creed's lyrics except I think this was better written honestly. I'd say all your rhymes worked really well and it flowed quite pleasantly.

on Aug. 28 2010 at 12:03 am
singing4ever GOLD, San Francisco, California
16 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Those who wish to sing always find a song." And, as a close second, "I have always imagined that Paradise will be some kind of library."

Very sweet and innocent. Simplicity at its finest. Beautiful poem.

on Aug. 28 2010 at 12:01 am
singing4ever GOLD, San Francisco, California
16 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Those who wish to sing always find a song." And, as a close second, "I have always imagined that Paradise will be some kind of library."

very pretty, touching and innocent. Simple goes a long way. Winderful poem.

riley... GOLD said...
on Aug. 16 2010 at 2:01 am
riley... GOLD, Yakima, Washington
13 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
"i became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." edgar allen poe.

first things first. im riley, and ive heard you are angie? haha well, i think we j7x-ers should know each other. so im riley, nice to meet you :)

 

secondly, this is a great poem. so innocent, so carefully written, but so deep. you are very talented. keep writing! :)

-J7X team-


We-R-3 BRONZE said...
on Aug. 13 2010 at 12:00 am
We-R-3 BRONZE, Orlando, Florida
1 article 0 photos 344 comments

Favorite Quote:
A picture is worth a thousand words, however it takes a real artist to turn words into pictures.

Have you heard about the new Lebron Iphone, you have to set it on vibrate because it doesn't have any rings

woohps forgot my signature

J7X team


We-R-3 BRONZE said...
on Aug. 12 2010 at 11:59 pm
We-R-3 BRONZE, Orlando, Florida
1 article 0 photos 344 comments

Favorite Quote:
A picture is worth a thousand words, however it takes a real artist to turn words into pictures.

Have you heard about the new Lebron Iphone, you have to set it on vibrate because it doesn't have any rings

it isniceand simple you don't attempt to make intense sorrow arise before reaching the end, you allow a perfect flow from begining to end which allows you to be able to think afterwards. It is also an issue people can relate to (not me thankfully) but I feel the end is touching.

iDogrocker said...
on Aug. 8 2010 at 8:16 pm
iDogrocker, Lebanon, Oregon
0 articles 0 photos 78 comments
This was a very touching poem that conveys the loss of a loved one so gently. It was beautiful! The only question I had for you was, at the beginning of the poem, did you mean "hollow?" Lol. 

on Aug. 6 2010 at 12:35 pm
abster55 BRONZE, Wilmette, Illinois
1 article 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by the way he eats jelly beans.” -Ronald Reagan

This poem was so sweet and meaningful! The feelings were expressed quite well!

on Aug. 5 2010 at 7:56 am
KourtneyBriann BRONZE, Niles, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 90 comments
This is really goo, how it was short and sweet. I loved how u made it clear that he wasn't afraid or sad to die and that he would be in a better place. Also that it was both a joyous and sad moment. Great Job!!! Thanx (:

on Aug. 3 2010 at 10:37 pm
CASTROLmatt GOLD, Coolidge, Arizona
14 articles 11 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Sometimes you have to take life less seriously to get where you want to be."

Wow this was really cool. I like how you showed both perspectives on death, how it isn't always so sad, but happy because they're in a better place. Very nice.

EmmaNemma GOLD said...
on Aug. 2 2010 at 4:32 pm
EmmaNemma GOLD, The Shire, Vermont
10 articles 0 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you think you are a hypochondriac by definition aren't you?

I liked what you wrote about and portrayed the way feelings can conflict with eachother in situations like these.

on Aug. 2 2010 at 9:55 am
HeatherBee BRONZE, I Live In, Texas
1 article 0 photos 1985 comments

Favorite Quote:
Go on and try to tear me down. I will be rising from the ground, like a skyscraper

Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect

i remember thinking this was really good in the story. this poem's real meaningful to it... :) good job

on Aug. 1 2010 at 10:31 pm
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1754 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Aww, that's really pretty, sweet and well-written.  Good rhyming. Nice job, Angie!


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