The Silver Ring

June 25, 2010
My heart’s bleeding
Drop by drop,
Falling to the cold stone ground.
Every step she takes,
Breaks my heart just a little more.
Gliding down the aisle,
A vision in pearly white.
A beautiful brown face smiling
Radiantly behind the veil.
She’s horribly perfect.
Right color hair.
Right color skin.
I sit in the back
Willing myself not to cry,
But a tear spills over the edge
And slides down my pale white face.

She’s now at your side,
Smiling sweetly up at you.
Vows are exchanged,
You say “I do”
She says “I do”
Her words echo off the walls
Reverberating in my heart.
It’s her saying those words, not me…
I’m the one who should be up there,
Staring up into your warm brown eyes,
Smiling lovingly.
But no, I sit here in the last row
A shadow of what could have been,
Thinking about the past,
Of our time together,
When race and skin didn’t matter.
Didn’t think it would.
But as time passes, things change,
You realize how things have to be,
How the world really works,
Of what really matters in the end.

You hold up the ring.
I helped you pick it out.
You slip it on her finger,
I look down at my own hand,
Cold and bare.
I look at my right hand,
Fourth finger, the silver ring
From all those years back.
I still wear it.
Why do I have this undying hope
That things will go back to the way they were
With just me and you?
That was then, this is now,
Can’t keep living the past.
Yet I still glance down at the faded words
Hard to read, but I know them by heart,
“If I know what love is…
It’s because of you”

You take her hand,
Kiss her gently,
Everyone stands,
You lead her down the aisle.
You pass the last row
Where I stand,
You smile that wonderful smile,
I manage a weak smile back
From my tear stained face.
Out the door, the two of you walk
A new and bright future ahead.
One with me not included.

We all follow your limo
Inside, you’re probably sharing
First kisses as a married couple.
My heart keeps tearing,
Breaking completely in two.
The bright cheerful sunlight
Hurts my eyes.

I sit at one of the tables,
Looking up at the two of you,
Sitting side by side,
Exchanging excited whispers.
The music starts,
The first dance,
You and her, dancing gracefully,
Staring into each other’s eyes.
I will the tears not to come.
It ends; you come over to my table,
Take my hand, and twirl me onto the dance floor,
You hold me close, whisper in my ear.
“Thank you for always being there,
Thank you for being such a great friend.
I owe you so much.”
I can’t respond, but you see the tear slide down my face.
I let go of you,
Even though all I want to do, is hold you close,
I walk quickly away, not able to look back,
Knowing what I would see on your face.
The bewilderment, the confusion.
You’ll never know of how I truly feel,
Of how I still love you and I’ve never stopped.
Never for a second.
I sit back down in a corner so you can’t see me cry.

As I watch you find your newly beloved,
Taking her in your arms
Kissing her gently,
Then twirling her around and around
On the dance floor,
I realize,
My heart may always be broken,
But what I want the most,
Is for you to be happy,
Even if that doesn’t include me in your life.
Even if I’m not that girl walking down the aisle.
I’ll always be here, supporting you,
Being the best friend I can be.

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