I Miss Who She Used To Be

July 7, 2010
she pleads
on her knees
for him to take her
she begs
for him to listen
after all the years of silence

please make her stop
her screams and cries
are breaking my heart
her eyes are so lost and emotionless
i miss who she used to be

open her up
and reveal the heart
that doesn't want to beat
rake your fingers through
the veins
she wants to rip apart

peel off her skin
one layer at a time
that she could never do alone
take her breath away
slowly, painfully
and her tortured cries
will come to an end.





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This article has 17 comments. Post your own now!

theMysteryPoet said...
Aug. 26, 2010 at 11:47 pm
I really enjoyed reading this. It had a lot of imagery and emotion. Again, very well written
 
hello.peaches This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 5, 2010 at 6:11 pm

thank you so much for the comments.

you're a great writer yourself. i especially liked the last stanza in this one. heart wrenching.

 
MelanieLouise This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 5, 2010 at 7:46 pm
thank you for the kind words :)
 
brax34 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 4, 2010 at 11:37 am

amazing! the one thing that i would change is take off the last line in the first stanza, or maybe change it.  in my opinion, it doesn't need to be said and it kind of ruins the amazing flow that you have going on.  but definately four stars!

 

if someone could check out my poem: All I Need is... a Comment or Two?  I am really hoping this one to take off.  I'm hoping it might change a couple of things.  But in order for that to happen, i need a... (more »)

 
Danica said...
Aug. 2, 2010 at 9:35 pm
This is really good! Great use of imagery, it's very vivid -- I especially like "rake your fingers through the veins."  Check out my work sometime? :)
 
MelanieLouise This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 2, 2010 at 9:53 pm
oh gosh thanks a bunch :) and i will
 
asiangurl said...
Aug. 2, 2010 at 9:26 pm
that was so AMAZING AND UNBELIEVABLE...i could so relate to ya. thank u for writing this piece
 
MelanieLouise This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 2, 2010 at 9:52 pm
oh my gosh thank you :)
 
optimisticpessimist said...
Aug. 2, 2010 at 3:13 pm
This is amazing! I love your word choice ;)
 
MelanieLouise This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 2, 2010 at 5:58 pm
thanks so much :)
 
writingchick This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 30, 2010 at 9:05 pm
I love the last part :) good description, check out my work if you please, rate and comments :) good work :)
 
writingchick This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 30, 2010 at 9:06 pm
if you can* hahaha my bad
 
MelanieLouise This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 31, 2010 at 12:30 pm
thank you so so much! it means the most :) i will totally check out your work
 
justwannabeme said...
Jul. 30, 2010 at 10:11 am
wow. this is great!!! i know how your feel. and i can feel the emotion in this piece. you did a really good job. keep it up. :)
 
MelanieLouise This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 31, 2010 at 12:29 pm
thank you so much :)
 
crubs3 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 7:02 pm
I love the emotion!! keep it up!!
 
MelanieLouise This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 31, 2010 at 12:29 pm
thank you!! more work will probably be up soon :)
 
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