A Trip to the Wilderness

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Green , coarse trees as far as the eye can see.
Scratchy tree bark rubbung against my palm.
Stony rocks interupting the trees.
The warm gentle sun lllabying my face.

All you hear in the forest is silence ,
a key ingredient.
It's peaceful and chiming.
Birds hoting and chirping.
Ah yes, it is natures true sounds.

The fresh piney pine smell tickles my
nose.
Little worms scurry from the damp
earth to the musty , mulch.

Can you feel the cold winter breeze
f a d i n g ?

The stifled air with low oxygen
just bearly slipping away.

Trees , air , woods , and wilderness ;
Ah yes , the principle ideas of life.





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Mockingjay said...
Jul. 26, 2010 at 11:13 am
hi :) i thought it was good, but the only part i didn't really like was when you talked about the "piney pine smell." i thought it didn't flow and you used the same words next to each other. but other than that, good job! 
 
xiao_vang said...
Jul. 26, 2010 at 11:06 am
I enjoyed reading this poem...Great job..keep it up
 
KaTieWoW said...
Jul. 26, 2010 at 12:49 am
You described about 95% of what I feel when I go camping in the Rockies.  The 5% you left out was for the feeling of the sun on my skin and how while I'm there I think of how delicate it all is.
 
231322 said...
Jul. 25, 2010 at 10:06 pm
I'm a little confused. You say you "hear the silence." Can you really hear silence? Then, you go on to say that you hear the birds "hoting and chirping." Is anything really silent? Nature may have a certain sense of simplicity, but is it ever silent? Also, are trees, air, wilderness and woods really ideas?
 
Thesilentraven This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 24, 2010 at 1:09 pm
Creatively described, this made me feel like I was really there! It really captures the beauty of remote nature. I especially liked the second stanza. Well done!
 
Danica said...
Jul. 23, 2010 at 2:31 pm
I thought this was amazing!  I absolutely love your descriptions, especially how you describe silence as "a key ingredient."  Great job :D
 
origamifrogs said...
Jul. 23, 2010 at 12:29 pm
This was alright. The rhythm seemed a bit stiff, and the way you used your commas (with spaces) was distracting. The was some decent imagery, like in stanza two.
 
crubs3 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 22, 2010 at 11:55 pm
Wow i love it!! is so descriptive and the word choice is incredible!!! if you could please rate and comment on my work that wuld be awesome!!! especially to anonymous!!! thanks and ur really good!!!
 
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