Ennui

By , Fort Worth, TX
The windows in your eyes
You have pulled the blinds shut
Slice open the skin and my heart I will divide
I will trail the pieces behind me
Should I decide to come back

If I decide to come back
Will anything change?
Somehow, I still see myself
Being washed up with the waves
Knowing that my soul was never blessed
Why would you want to share
In someone so broken?

Touch me
Maybe I will melt
Look into me
Maybe I will lie
Whisper to me
And maybe I will die
Turn away from me
And I am gone

All the different voices inside
Their masters are walking through me
Stepping on my ribcage
Pushing holes into my lungs
Only in your arms am I safe
But they are sweeping all the dead leaves
All the soot, filth, and decay
All of those sick memories
They are sweeping them into the corners
Trying to tidy up the place
So the new dead things will have space
To reside and grow
Until I am filled to the brim with regret
And weakness

Reach those scarred hands into me
Break down everything inside
I don't want to breathe
I don't want to see
The fire that used to burn for you
Is now eating me alive
Thank you for destroying me



This sickness in me will never change
No matter how hard I try
To sleep it away
To flush it away
This disease will not fade

Tears leak and blood pours
Wounds are made and manifested
Then hidden again
Whatever you have stored under your tongue
Makes me wonder how you've been
And I look into your eyes
And I see all of my filthy sins
And all of the monsters that I have been

It hurts because nothing I say is true
I don't mean any of it
And I am so very sick of it
But every time I heal
I am left alone
And forget how to feel
So I make up another lie
And sink into it

Sometimes I wonder about things
And I look into your eyes
And when I see all the monsters
All of the bad things I have been
I think about dying
Because I don't know who and where I've been

Exhaustion can be seen
Mapped all across his face
His dreams crawl across the red lines
That escape from his eyes
As he tries so hard to erase
All of the pieces he has chosen to play
The next day, every new day
The dreams get a little farther away
And he will never hear
What those dreams were supposed to say

Touch me
Maybe I will melt
Look into me
Maybe I will lie
Whisper to me
And maybe I will die
Turn away from me
And I am gone





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