Help Us Save Lives

June 16, 2010
By RedvinesWTHCantTheyDo GOLD, Zephyrhills, Florida
RedvinesWTHCantTheyDo GOLD, Zephyrhills, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 154 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You make one more comment like that I will wrap you in a tortilla shell and eat you as a snack, maybe with some nice pico de gillo."~ Lauren Lopez in Starship
"If you don't die for something, I'll kill you for nothing."~ Lauren Lopez in Starship


The little boy sits alone
And no one seems to care
Tired of the glances he gets
The anxiety, too much to bear.

He comes to school with a gun
He yells "Everybody down!"
Doesn't shoot anyone else,
But makes them watch with a frown.



She can't handle this life
So she writes on her arm
Seems nothing will work
But to cause herself harm.

No one will care
She thinks to herself
She cuts a little deeper
Seems she'll die without wealth



Maybe if we reached out
We could save these lives
But we're so often busy
Handling our strife

Go out of your way
Give someone a hug
Don't condemn them like normal
But reach out with love.


The author's comments:
Let's reach out to someone who's all alone. Tell them you care, show them they are not alone.

Similar Articles

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 13 comments.


on Jun. 17 2011 at 5:02 pm
HeatherBee BRONZE, I Live In, Texas
1 article 0 photos 1985 comments

Favorite Quote:
Go on and try to tear me down. I will be rising from the ground, like a skyscraper

Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect

i rate this 1,000,000 stars.

on Nov. 16 2010 at 7:33 pm
Healing_Angel SILVER, Sydney, Other
8 articles 2 photos 513 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live for today, not for tomorrow

 I'm really, really busy, but when I have time, I'll have a look at more of your work. You have talent Jess! I love this, I'm crying now. I can relate to this! I reach out to people all the time, but they turn away... I never force them to accept help! :'( Take Care.

 

 


paperflowers said...
on Oct. 6 2010 at 12:01 pm
paperflowers, Imaginary, Indiana
0 articles 0 photos 176 comments
This is sad... but well written. Good job.

on Aug. 23 2010 at 6:46 pm
amandap PLATINUM, Midlothian, Virginia
31 articles 0 photos 183 comments
this is deep, and so true because we never go out of our ways to show some compassion and love, and a little bit goes a long way. this is lovely, and I really like it

on Jul. 27 2010 at 5:30 pm
RedvinesWTHCantTheyDo GOLD, Zephyrhills, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 154 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You make one more comment like that I will wrap you in a tortilla shell and eat you as a snack, maybe with some nice pico de gillo."~ Lauren Lopez in Starship
"If you don't die for something, I'll kill you for nothing."~ Lauren Lopez in Starship

Did oyu read th eedited version? I like it a lot better.

on Jul. 26 2010 at 6:27 pm
Just.A.Dream SILVER, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
7 articles 0 photos 431 comments

Favorite Quote:
Part of the J7X team. :)

I totally agree with Sarah, those lines reminded me TWLOHA!! I think it's short and sweet. :)

on Jul. 23 2010 at 9:09 pm
cool i mean it's your work so do what you think is best for it. If you like it that's all that matters

on Jul. 22 2010 at 11:14 am
RedvinesWTHCantTheyDo GOLD, Zephyrhills, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 154 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You make one more comment like that I will wrap you in a tortilla shell and eat you as a snack, maybe with some nice pico de gillo."~ Lauren Lopez in Starship
"If you don't die for something, I'll kill you for nothing."~ Lauren Lopez in Starship

I appreciate your feedback. Thanks for the advice. I think I meant to put a semicolon but I put a comma instead. I understand where you're coming from when you say it should be more in depth put if it was it would really no longer be a poem but more of a short story. I could do it,  but I kind of wanted to keep it simple and to the point.

on Jul. 22 2010 at 10:49 am

simon cowell feedback--you asked for it!

grammatically I noticed an error: the comma after "anxiety" in the first sentance should be a semicolon I think.

so the message is clear in this poem. Very clear, benevolent, great intentions. But is this a powerful piece that moves audiences? Not really. It's cute and it gets its point across. If you wanted to get more of a reaction from your readers I'd say this needs to go deeper into the story of the boy and the girl and just have more powerful rhymes that convey "the anxiety" instead of just saying that it exists.

to a young audience, I'm sure this is wonderful and heartwarming. But I like my poetry with deeper meanings and beautifully artistic. So I guess my opinion may be based on a matter of taste, and this just wasn't my cup of tea.


on Jul. 20 2010 at 6:52 pm
RedvinesWTHCantTheyDo GOLD, Zephyrhills, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 154 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You make one more comment like that I will wrap you in a tortilla shell and eat you as a snack, maybe with some nice pico de gillo."~ Lauren Lopez in Starship
"If you don't die for something, I'll kill you for nothing."~ Lauren Lopez in Starship

You have no idea how much that means to me Sarah.

on Jul. 20 2010 at 6:47 pm
SarClark BRONZE, NC, Connecticut
2 articles 0 photos 534 comments
I know you'd be good at it since you know how difficult life is sometimes. I meant everything I said.

on Jul. 20 2010 at 6:30 pm
RedvinesWTHCantTheyDo GOLD, Zephyrhills, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 154 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You make one more comment like that I will wrap you in a tortilla shell and eat you as a snack, maybe with some nice pico de gillo."~ Lauren Lopez in Starship
"If you don't die for something, I'll kill you for nothing."~ Lauren Lopez in Starship

Thank you so much Sarah. Its different than what I normally write but Im proud of this one. Its something that I want to do, something I know I should be doing, what others should be doing. I know for me I had struggles and I want to help other people with theirs.

on Jul. 20 2010 at 6:27 pm
SarClark BRONZE, NC, Connecticut
2 articles 0 photos 534 comments

I really, really like this, Jess. If you could see me right bow  I'd be really quiet, because this is so true. I see so many things like 'I just want someone to ask if I'm okay,' and I really agree, it's not that hard to reach out and do something. 

 

I specifically loved two lines 'So she writes on her arms' (Reminded me of TWLOHA, too) because it has meaning behind it, and 'Maybe if we reached out, we could save these lives,' because it has a real true ring to it and it flows beautifully. 





MacMillan Books

Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Course!