Help Us Save Lives

June 16, 2010
The little boy sits alone
And no one seems to care
Tired of the glances he gets
The anxiety, too much to bear.

He comes to school with a gun
He yells "Everybody down!"
Doesn't shoot anyone else,
But makes them watch with a frown.

She can't handle this life
So she writes on her arm
Seems nothing will work
But to cause herself harm.

No one will care
She thinks to herself
She cuts a little deeper
Seems she'll die without wealth

Maybe if we reached out
We could save these lives
But we're so often busy
Handling our strife

Go out of your way
Give someone a hug
Don't condemn them like normal
But reach out with love.

Join the Discussion

This article has 13 comments. Post your own now!

off-by-one said...
Jun. 17, 2011 at 5:02 pm
i rate this 1,000,000 stars.
_Snow_ said...
Oct. 6, 2010 at 12:01 pm
This is sad... but well written. Good job.
mandapanda9736 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 23, 2010 at 6:46 pm
this is deep, and so true because we never go out of our ways to show some compassion and love, and a little bit goes a long way. this is lovely, and I really like it
A_Dreamer said...
Jul. 26, 2010 at 6:27 pm
I totally agree with Sarah, those lines reminded me TWLOHA!! I think it's short and sweet. :)
OffMyRocker... replied...
Jul. 27, 2010 at 5:30 pm
Did oyu read th eedited version? I like it a lot better.
AvengedJasonFold said...
Jul. 22, 2010 at 10:49 am

simon cowell feedback--you asked for it!

grammatically I noticed an error: the comma after "anxiety" in the first sentance should be a semicolon I think.

so the message is clear in this poem. Very clear, benevolent, great intentions. But is this a powerful piece that moves audiences? Not really. It's cute and it gets its point across. If you wanted to get more of a reaction from your readers I'd say this needs to go deeper into the story of the boy and the girl and just have mor... (more »)

OffMyRocker... replied...
Jul. 22, 2010 at 11:14 am
I appreciate your feedback. Thanks for the advice. I think I meant to put a semicolon but I put a comma instead. I understand where you're coming from when you say it should be more in depth put if it was it would really no longer be a poem but more of a short story. I could do it,  but I kind of wanted to keep it simple and to the point.
AvengedJasonFold replied...
Jul. 23, 2010 at 9:09 pm
cool i mean it's your work so do what you think is best for it. If you like it that's all that matters
AprilBluefish said...
Jul. 20, 2010 at 6:27 pm

I really, really like this, Jess. If you could see me right bow  I'd be really quiet, because this is so true. I see so many things like 'I just want someone to ask if I'm okay,' and I really agree, it's not that hard to reach out and do something. 


I specifically loved two lines 'So she writes on her arms' (Reminded me of TWLOHA, too) because it has meaning behind it, and 'Maybe if we reached out, we could save these lives,' because it has a real true ring to i... (more »)

MadAsAHatter... replied...
Jul. 20, 2010 at 6:30 pm
Thank you so much Sarah. Its different than what I normally write but Im proud of this one. Its something that I want to do, something I know I should be doing, what others should be doing. I know for me I had struggles and I want to help other people with theirs.
AprilNeon replied...
Jul. 20, 2010 at 6:47 pm
I know you'd be good at it since you know how difficult life is sometimes. I meant everything I said.
MadAsAHatter... replied...
Jul. 20, 2010 at 6:52 pm
You have no idea how much that means to me Sarah.
Healing_Angel This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 16, 2010 at 7:33 pm

 I'm really, really busy, but when I have time, I'll have a look at more of your work. You have talent Jess! I love this, I'm crying now. I can relate to this! I reach out to people all the time, but they turn away... I never force them to accept help! :'( Take Care.



Site Feedback