My Own Little Space

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My heart is in the right place.
I have that dream in my head I want to chase.
But it feels like there’s always something in my way,
Something telling me “not today.”

Mom and Dad in a fight,
Someone’s always gotta be right.
Slam a door, break a dish,
As it shatters to the ground so does a wish.

I wake up alone with no motivation.
It’s a gloomy day,
The sky is grey,
And I’m at a loss for inspiration.

I can’t find an outfit to wear
And I hate my smile.
The weather will ruin my hair;
Is anything even worthwhile?

I want to believe that there’s something better,
Like laughing, loving, exploring.
Meanwhile the rain keeps pouring,
And I’m getting wetter.

I sit down to see if it can be remembered:
A time before my soul was completely dismembered.
A time when I possessed unsuppressed ambition,
When I had not yet developed my blighted cognition.

When I was a little girl,
And I believed I could save the world.
I knew I could do anything I wanted.
If only my dreams weren’t quite so haunted.

I saw no evil, only good.
I thought people only did as they should.
I imagined myself a princess guaranteed a palace.
Never did I think human beings harbored malice.

So many times has my image been broken.
All the secrets that remain unspoken.
The arguments never resolved,
All the things in which I shouldn’t have been involved.

Is it a wonder that I cannot be productive?
My innocence has been torn to pieces.
I now become self-destructive,
My confidence decreases.

I can never make a real difference,
Not while I’m plagued with such ambivalence.
I cannot accept the truth of the matter.
Life in itself is meaningless chatter.

I’ll disconnect and hide away,
Never more will I have dismay.
Everything is perfect there,
Even though there is no air.

I won’t feel joy, but I won’t feel the pain.
For a reason to live here I cannot ascertain.
All emotion will be destroyed,
All reality I shall avoid.

Afflictive memories I can erase.
The emptiness I will embrace.
And I can be alone in my own little space.





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This article has 3 comments. Post your own now!

lizs said...
Jul. 25, 2010 at 4:13 pm

lots of great lines...this captures a whole sense of disillusionment. i especially like "haunted dreams" and "unsuppressed ambition"...not sure about "dismembered"

great idea to post it online!

 
abigail(: This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 4:57 pm
this is great (:
 
shoegirl said...
Jul. 13, 2010 at 9:22 am
Please leave comments!!
 
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