A Dying Soldier

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A dying soldier
Once looked me dead in the eye
He told me to hold onto forever
To let the tears run dry
A dying soldier
Told me he loved me
To never lose hope
To trample the thoughts of longing
To unstrangle the hands that choke
A dying soldier
Told me to trust him
To remember my purpose in life
When I was lost, he would find me
Then tell me everything would be alright
A dying soldier
Showed me his wounds
The red blood escaping, set free
He showed me his very real beating heart
Then the lungs to which he breathed
He told me to close my eyes
Then lie back and remember
He kissed me on my lips
A surprise, all too very clever
A dying soldier
Told me I was living
Very real, and not alone
With this he caressed my cheek
And then my heart had flown
He looked me in the eyes
And suddenly I knew,
My rock, soldier and my love
Was leaving me, all too very soon.





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WritingLoverForever said...
Jul. 23, 2010 at 6:07 pm
This is so touching. I love it. It's very relatable and flows so well, and the words are so deep. Nice job, and could you check out some of my work please? I have a link for one of my submissions in the "About Me" box on my page if you want to read that too. (I had to put the link in there because I accidentally submitted it anonymously; oops)
 
MercedesXO replied...
Jul. 25, 2010 at 8:16 pm
thank you so much!! and yes of course i'll check out your work. can't wait to read it!
 
Doomcarrot said...
Jul. 18, 2010 at 8:53 pm
Wow!! This is a really wonderful poem. It touched my heart in a certain way that I really don't think I've felt in a while. Thank you so much for sharing this. It's truly great. And thank you for reading my work- if you hadn't left that comment, I never would've found this. Superb!
 
MercedesXO replied...
Jul. 25, 2010 at 8:14 pm
thank you soooo much. your comment really means a lot to me, and thank you for telling me your honest oppinion. i'm so glad that it touched you!! that you:)
 
HarryPotter said...
Jul. 17, 2010 at 9:21 am
There are one or two lines that might be syllable heavy, but you don't even notice because the poem is just fantastic. Not only does it really highlight the tragedy of war and death, but the way the love is portrayed is really good. Kudos, it really is a great poem!
 
MercedesXO replied...
Jul. 17, 2010 at 12:39 pm
thanks so much:) that means a lot to me, and thanks for the constructive critism. i appriciate it.
 
Emo_Girl09087 said...
Jul. 16, 2010 at 11:35 pm
amazing poem! egt it published! i loved it i'm so rating it 5/5
 
MercedesXO replied...
Jul. 17, 2010 at 12:39 pm
thanks so much!!
 
CloneA This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 2:12 pm
So pretty!!!!!!!! But very sad :(
 
MercedesXO replied...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 9:28 pm

thankss:)

and i know, i have the tendancy to write sad poetry...i'm not sure why. lol. just my thoughts i guess!

look out for my new work that hasn't yet been accepted to the site if you like this:) thanks again!

 
shocking. said...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 12:26 pm
wow this is just amazing :) keep writing!
 
MercedesXO replied...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 9:27 pm
thank you so much. i'm glad you like it and i really appriciate it. i've submitted a ton of work, but it just hasn't been accepted yet. but if you like it then you should check out my other work coming out:) thanks a bunch!
 
waywithwords said...
Jul. 14, 2010 at 12:37 pm
it's so sad, but it's CRAZY gooooddd!!!!
 
MercedesXO replied...
Jul. 14, 2010 at 12:47 pm
thanks so much:)
 
i.ll_be_fine_899 said...
Jul. 14, 2010 at 8:16 am
oh my God, i was like on the verge of crying...this piece is so touching and sad and amazingly beautiful.. Dx oh my goodness!! u really connected with the reader thru this. grreat job!! outstanding
 
MercedesXO replied...
Jul. 14, 2010 at 10:53 am

oh my gosh that you so much!! you have no idea how much that means to me. and im really happy you liked it:) ive submitted tons of my work, but im new to the site and the majority of it has not yet been accepted. i hope you'll view my work and see if you like that as well when it gets accepted tho:)

thanks so much again!

 
rocksrock said...
Jul. 13, 2010 at 1:19 am
sad, but moving. i love it. makes me think of the soldiers out there on the other side of the world.
 
MercedesXO replied...
Jul. 13, 2010 at 8:53 am
thank you:) i'm glad you like it.
 
LostAngel said...
Jul. 12, 2010 at 11:52 pm
Sad, very sad, but a greatttt peice. Thanks for reading some of mine too. I feel very thankful after reading this, you have moved me
 
MercedesXO replied...
Jul. 13, 2010 at 8:54 am
thanks so much!
 
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