Michelle's Poem

June 14, 2010
The sun shines bright outside my window.
The cheery day seems to laugh and mock my pain.
I feel so empty.
Like these hands that lack the precious bundle they so ache to hold.
Tears course down my face
Already red and raw from sobbing.
I thought I was done crying
I guess I'll never really be done.

My family's gone home.
Visiting hours are done.
I'm left alone.
In stained white walls and sterile rooms that echo the pain and sickness of others.
What is life?
Is there a reason I live?
I touch the glass.
As I watch, the picture of what should've been mine plays out before me.
A happy couple.
The husband, wheeling wife and child to the car.

I just keep asking myself,
Is this a punishment?
Why would life give me a child only to take it away?
God, didn't you know I needed this child?

I should've born life
Instead, I bore death.
A small life I couldn't keep safe.
I failed.
I keep playing that moment over in my mind
The moment I saw that perfect little baby wrapped in death.
I stared at two eyes that would never open
Touched the small hand that would never hold mine
And whispered
"I'm sorry."

Where are you now little one?
Is your soul at peace?
Did you suffer much pain?
Do you dance with angels as I mourn your loss?

Little one,
My heart,
My love,
My child.
Be safe.
Be happy.
And smile often, though I cry.

There, through the open window
A promise of life appears.
An answer to my prayer
A beginning of healing .

I hold out my hand
I watch in Awe
As it glides slowly down
Till it rests gently, softly on my finger.
It flutters its wings
And takes off again
Flying heavenward
It fades
Into clouds and sunlight.

A gift from God,
A sign that everything will be okay.
And for a moment I almost smile.

Michelle's Poem

Join the Discussion

This article has 8 comments. Post your own now!

sky_is_womb said...
Jul. 13, 2010 at 6:46 pm
this is so deep. i respect you for being brave enough to write about something so sad and serious. i especially liked the line "Why would life give me a child only to take it away?" good job
respecturself7 replied...
Jul. 20, 2010 at 6:04 pm
Thanks so much! I really appreciate ur feedback!
i.ll_stay_899 said...
Jul. 12, 2010 at 10:38 pm
*sniffle* oh my gosh, that was remarkable...and sad...but beautiful.. that really made me tear up. bravo. good job! and that story in the description is just whoa. that and the poem gives off a deep sense of  hope, like a_dreamer said
respecturself7 replied...
Jul. 13, 2010 at 9:11 am
Thank you sooo much you guys! I was really scared about posting this poem cause it's so personal to Michelle and I really didn't want to mess it up and def didn't want it to get a ton of negative feedback. I was actually really proud of this piece. I worked really hard to get into the mind of someone who's suffered this kind of loss; I was pretty much depressed the whole time I was writing it, but that's the price we writers pay: empathetic souls. Thanks again!
gymbabe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 12, 2010 at 6:25 pm
Aww, that's so sad and sweet, emotional and well-put, excellent inspiration.  Awesome job.
A_Dreamer said...
Jul. 12, 2010 at 6:08 pm

Awe, this is so sad! You can definitely feel the emotion you put in this poem.

It gives me a sense of hope. :)

Minnie101 replied...
Jul. 13, 2010 at 7:09 pm
Amazing how deep it is, I was sucked into it from the first line. I like your work. Keep on posting.
respecturself7 replied...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 3:22 pm
Thank you, thank you, thank you! This poem is really special to me and I'm glad I can reach people with it.
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