63 days of silence

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63 days of silence
It has been 63 days since I have seen you last.
63 days since you abandoned me.
I remain fixated in this house.
Sitting at this dinner table alone, it used to feed me with platefuls of family.
I sit here silently poking at a feeble helping of loneliness and self-pity.
This silence is overwhelming, yet you can still here the screams and laughter of the past, echoing off these walls
Yet Like a burden these memories do not comfort me
Yet these walls still stand even though the destruction that your self loathing had brought. How silent they listened while your anger flurried.
Behind close doors, the world couldn’t see the struggle you were loosing.
See you sat there crying, gripping a bottle of self medication longer then you had ever held my hand.
On these mornings I would wake up to your lifeless body
Securely buried face down in your sheets
As I left for school that morning
You weren’t stirring
So I left you unknowingly that this would be the beginning of our end.
Because when you opened your eyes 63 days ago, you decided you weren’t going to be around anymore.
So you left.
It was silent.
It has been 63 days since I have seen your face.
63 days since you abandoned me.
My father has scars on his heart where your insults have cut him deeply.
And with strength unknown to any man before him, he picks himself up out of bed every morning.
He carries on with bravery and I see, that I am a child, amongst men
Because as I nursed my wounded heart with tears and anger
He comforts me
With one hand gently placed on the top of my head and his arm wrapped around my teenaged body.
He told me he loved me.
It has been 63 days since I have seen you last
63 days since you abandoned me.

Every passing moment of your absence, your presents is fading.
Yet I still recall the scent of the alcohol as it clung to your wavering breath.

And as I clutched your frail hand, and said that I loved you”.
Yet now I sit here debating
How could u leave so swiftly
You didn’t have the decency to call but I didn’t have the courage to pick up
Because inside I tried to make myself hate you
But I couldn’t because of the sheer slight of hope you would come home and return this family to modern day sanity

you would return 63 days later
But something about you was missing
You weren’t the person that raised me
Back in the days of your sobriety
63 days later I lost my naivety
Because unlike you, I will never forget
The silence I grew accustomed to.





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