Time slows for you MAG

June 8, 2010
By queenofspades PLATINUM, Bennington, Vermont
queenofspades PLATINUM, Bennington, Vermont
20 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
you know when your in love when you can't fall asleep at night because reality is finally better then your dreams~ Dr. Seuss


Every time you walk by
time slows, do you see
the dandelion fluffs
that are carried on the breeze
move like time is a great
expanse of never-ending
plains
when i look into
the deep pools of water
that are your eyes
i can feel the wind cease
and when your voice
sings over the air
the water that normally
laps around my ankles
like morning light over the mountains
flows lethargically in
a moment of slowed time
and when you whisper
your silent song into
my ears
and eyes
the sharp tongue which normally
leaps like a fish inside my mouth
is unresponsive
and my words are all muddled


The author's comments:
If you have ever had a crush on someone, you will know what this poem is about :)

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This article has 5 comments.


on Jan. 31 2012 at 9:09 pm
IzzyBelle BRONZE, Boise, Idaho
3 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I used to be normal. Then I met these losers....I now call them my Best Friends!"-unknown

:OOO Amazing! You captured the essence of a heart-stopping crush!! Keep Writing! :DD .

SarahSmile said...
on Jun. 18 2011 at 10:11 am
yes, that's exactly exactly how it feels. beautiful. thank you.

on Jun. 13 2011 at 4:36 pm
queenofspades PLATINUM, Bennington, Vermont
20 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
you know when your in love when you can't fall asleep at night because reality is finally better then your dreams~ Dr. Seuss

Thank you!

JM Mansfield said...
on Jun. 13 2011 at 10:54 am
Wow.  You really captured that feeling of being in a different time-space when there is someone who catches your eye.  And it is not just that you like that person, but it is the way you FEEL that person...in the air, on your skin, in your mouth, in your mind...I get it!  Keep writing!

on Jul. 18 2010 at 6:38 pm
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, 'I have always thought that but never found the words for it.'" -anonymous

WARNING: I'm severely honest.

Kind of hard to read. There was little flow to it. I had to read it again to fully hear the song inside of it. And your similes and metaphors were a little distracting from the point of the poem. The fish in her mouth was a little bizarre. I could see though what you were trying to portray, and I think with some patching up this could be great.



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