complicated and frustrated

June 9, 2010
By nikkiluv BRONZE, Southburlington, Vermont
nikkiluv BRONZE, Southburlington, Vermont
3 articles 0 photos 0 comments

I’m not exactly sure what to say, but I definitely know that I won’t be okay
It’s crazy enough that he cheated on me, but then he says that he still loves
I can’t believe he said he’s in-love with her.
I thought she was my friend but when I look back at our friendship it’s all just a blur.
I’m heart broken because he said he loved me.
And now I’m lonely because he hurt me.
I was the one who left him because now I can’t trust him.
He broke my heart in-to a million pieces, and now that I see this,
I knew I shouldn’t have let myself fall too fast, but it was too hard because I thought I was his last.
I didn’t want to leave but I didn’t have a choice, but now when people talk all I can hear is his voice.
“The last message I got was “ily2.” Does that mean he still wants to be with you?”
“I need help, and I don’t know what to do, I’m going crazy all over again for you.”
I know I should get over him, but it’s hard because I know I’ll never love like that again.
He was the one that I wanted to keep, but then his feelings just started to leak.
Why would he say forever and always, when he knew it would end this way?
It was his fault that I left, but since I did I feel depressed.
Just tell me what to do about all this commotion, I want it to end, and I promise I’m not joking.
* * *
I talked to him that one afternoon, to figure out this stuff and it started to bloom.
My thoughts and feelings just all poured out, and all I wanted to do was to scream and to shout.
I was so angry that he hurt me and I was angry at her too, but I knew there wasn’t much that I could say or do.
I made him cry, oh just a little. But he kind of deserved it because he made my tears trickle.
I wanted to forget this and just move on, but all I could hear were these very sad songs.
I talked to him some more, and heard what I needed. I can’t believe that he even cheated!
We figured out that we should just be friends, but I think I’m going to break all these’s mends.
I’m mad at them but there’s nothing that I can do, they think they’re in love and that they’re the true blue.
“It drives me crazy that she says she loves you. I was the one who didn’t want to leave, but I did because I’m not used to what you do.”
I wanted one last kiss to make for my wish, and indeed I did get it, but I kind of regret it.
I knew if I did it I would fall again, but then I noticed it was all worth it.
Now that I can only see him as a friend, it drives me nuts because my feelings would never end.
I feel as if there’s a light layer of happiness on my shoulders, but I wish there wasn’t because I can’t even show her.
How much it hurt me, because she knew I was with him.
I want the layer to wipe away, so I can show my true feelings.

The author's comments:
yah..after a break-up for being cheated on

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