I Remember...

May 16, 2010
I remember
Begging for your best friend
To still be alive.

I remember
Begging for your “Best Friend”
To be dead.

I remember
Holding the gun up to your head,
Regretting what you had done,
Wishing it was you that were dead,
Not him.

I remember
Knowing you were wrong,
Knowing it was the way it should be:
Him dead,
You alive.

I remember
Wanting to tell you everything,
Wishing I could tell you everything,
But knowing it would hurt,
Hurt you too much,
So I kept it a secret.

I remember
Unable to live life,
Knowing you had killed your best friend.

I remember
The day,
The day you had enough.
The day you couldn’t take it anymore.

I remember
That day,
Like it was yesterday.

I remember
The time,
2:27 AM.

I remember
Waking up to a phone call from your mother.
Telling me
That my best friend was dead.

I remember
The feeling.
The feeling I had
When I heard the words come out of her mouth,
The gut feeling,
At the pit of my stomach.

I remember
That I never had the chance.
The chance to say good-bye.
The chance to tell you how good of a cousin you were,
How good of a friend you were.
The chance to tell you
It wasn’t your fault,
He deserved it,
You never saw the side of him I saw.

I remember
The side that I did see.
The side that he never showed around you.
Not really a friend at all.

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