Welcome to My Life.

May 14, 2010
Birth is essential.
Everyone must be born into a destiny,
Already planned out for them,
By a Higher Being.
So I was born,
Into a healthy family who cared,
Just like so many do.
But youth is innocence,
So in those days I was nothing,
But a smiley, bubbly, girl with big dreams.
The dreams of becoming someone bigger,
Someone people looked up to,
Welcome to my life.

Growing up is essential.
It happens to everyone,
And passes slowly when you are a child,
But not in reality.
I involved myself in everything I could,
Get those tiny fingers latched to.
Expressing such mature motion,
Through dancing.
My world, passion, and desire.
My niche.
Welcome to my life.

Individuality is essential.
People try to blend with the different shades,
When they should be vibrant,
Setting a different example.
Pure and true, so foreignism is not a worry.
I clearly stuck out,
In different ways depending on opinion,
But always “that girl,” which was neither good or bad.
I’ve never fit into a clique,
Feeling conformity is overrated as stated.
But I accept my role and have convinced myself,
That uniqueness is in fact okay.
Although looking back, Elementary School,
Ultimately added to pointless.
Welcome to my life.

Searching certain expression is essential.
Everyone is good at something, simple or complex,
Either way, it’s special.
But people are too self conscious and focus their emotion,
On what they are not.
What they lack.
Well take a deeper look.
At age ten, I was honorably invited to perform on a hit TV show,
In front of America.
An experience only beginning my credibility.
One of those “life changing” moments,
You reminisce on quite often.
Welcome to my life.

Misunderstanding is essential.
Though not requested,
Is a fact designed to strengthen the morality of a person.
Which only makes one able to become understanding,
Within themselves.
People have said, and will say,
My life is “glamorous” and “almost perfect.”
I built my resume, impressing many with such
Drive, dedication, determination.
I’ve done so much of the unthinkable,
Only the lucky are grateful to have, so I am.
But the exterior is often undermined.
And I hide myself.
Welcome to my life.

Heartbreak is essential.
The overdramatic will emphasize every lover,
And claim they are the “only one.”
But such is not true.
If we did not experience detachment,
How would we recognize fulfillment?
Like any other woman,
Men are lovely to think about.
But my luck was never present with the opposite species.
Draining, depression, abuse, and constant torment,
Every man seems to have left me.
You know, the one’s who “love me”?
Welcome to my life.

Fighting is essential.
Although war is not pleasant to any caring creature,
It sometimes is the only option for resolving differences.
A common theme among teenagers is the parent battle,
I am clearly familiar with.
Extreme overprotection, groundings, rules,
And the occasional running away,
Engulfed many of my previous years.
Communication blocks are used as methods of protection,
But only hurt me in the long run.
Welcome to my life.

Depression is essential.
Sadness is not as severe, but works hand in hand,
With such a powerful feeling.
But if one is not troubled,
How will they accept what is pure and righteous?
I have many medical problems.
You could name any disease and I probably have a form of the sister.
Many days in the hospital,
Damage to myself done by myself,
Just to not feel numb.
To feel good enough,
For anyone.
Welcome to my life.

Jealousy is essential.
People are greedy and want whatever they can,
What others have.
So they use it in a revengeful manner,
But jealousy only makes one work harder.
Girls are not my thing.
Living the life I do, many females find me as competition.
I would like for this to change,
But it won’t.
So I’m fine with resorting to guy friends.
Though males compare themselves to one another as well.
I often wonder why ranking matters?
Welcome to my life.

Obsession is essential.
As long as it is controlled,
Can prove beneficial to one’s purpose.
Finding a reason to exist and thriving on such adrenaline,
Is why we are here.
My outlet is music.
I oversee it as a universal language,
Connecting any person with another.
Influencing happiness, sadness, or whatever action is wanted.
I love to write, compose, arrange, play.
And when I have no control,
No sense of direction,
I know I can rely on the power of sound and song.
Of my voice glittering,
Of my fingers sliding across keys,
Losing track of all importance.
Welcome to my life.

Love is essential.
And trueness of love never dies.
It’s hard to find, and hard to lose,
A tricky game we must play in nature’s obedience.
My internal conflict consisted of fear,
Scared another man would hurt me and leave me,
All alone.
But the most amazing person walked into my life,
Ironically and unexpectedly,
Strange ?I knew him for so little,
But invited him to fill my heart.
He resolved my timidity with his gentleness,
A clone of my image, he is all I want,
But can’t keep.
Welcome to my life.

Timing is essential.
The length is always uncertain and can’t be monitored for sanity,
But wanting leads to believing, which leads to achieving,
In time.
The love I feel for him must be condoned in shadows and darkness,
For he has someone presently,
He refuses to ignore for purposes beyond his control.
I see this.
I know what he suffers, because I too ache with desire,
More than he will ever notice.
So I wait the distance,
Just as I wait for the seasons to pass,
The days when I will see him,
So far away, so perfect, so unattainable and untouchable.
For now.
Welcome to my life.

Lust is essential.
It’s a sin beyond the imagination and is often taken advantage of.
It should be memorable,
But is often abused for one’s cruel intentions.
The positive, is a deep bond, a fantasy becoming reality,
Similar to a dream.
It scares me,
Knowing hormones are indefinite and I fall to shame when he is here.
Even the naïve and harmless brush of his fingers across my cheeks,
Are mesmerizing and dangerous.
But he’s the only person I feel safe with,
Though I shouldn’t depend on this,
When I’m not his.
And though he says he loves me,
I feel abandoned.
I know he does,
But how can I count on our future?
He promises, I trust,
But we always resort back to the physical.
Welcome to my life.

Faith is essential.
When all is lost, it is a necessity to have a higher goal.
Someone you put your trust in,
When people in this world act as low as the people,
That they in turn criticize.
For me, this is God.
I’ve always been a strong Christian,
But lately I leave my strife completely in His hands,
Praying something will happen soon to persuade me,
That life isn’t worth dying for.
An oxymoron that a lot of people sadly choose.
A path I might have chose,
Had it not been for Him.
I realize I’m right where I should be,
And hope I’ll make a difference to someone,
Welcome to my life.

Family is essential.
Friends come and go, like leaves blowing in the wind,
Of life’s inconsistency.
But family will always alleviate your longest streams of tears.
Someone guaranteed to love you,
Their blood thicker than the water of others’ fluidity.
My family is one incomparable,
And though I’d argue sometimes,
I’m thankful for my morals and high expectations.
Without their support, my opportunities would have been limited.
Without their continuous guidance and wisdom,
This poem of realizations,
Would be irrelevant.
My parents: just people.
My brother: autistic.
I love them who they are always and forever.
Welcome to my life.

The past is essential.
Disregarding what you’ve experienced doesn’t become proficient,
In carving the future.
Some would say otherwise, looking at the past filled with regret and hindrances.
But these hindrances are only obstacles,
In a race everlasting.
My past is horrendous,
I play it down, putting on an act so explaining does not lead me,
To look foolish in eyes of the dull-minded.
My past is still affecting me presently,
Unbearable, yes,
But unbearably real.
Welcome to my life.

The future is essential.
Living in the moment becomes a motto for the outgoing,
And proves sincere in long term events.
But one must have a direction to begin with,
An ultimate scheme of destination so life does not become wasted.
I don’t know what my future holds.
I do not wish to be able to foresee,
For foreshadowing is sufficient enough and the ride is always changing.
Which is also essential.
I hope I will become something big.
I pray I will grow old with a man who loves me for the person I am on the inside,
Someone who breaks the mold
And craves the happiness I provide for him,
Mentally, physically, and emotionally.
I hope I continue to learn and survive this topsy turvey universe.
I pray people see me as I really am,
And relate to the validity of the statements above.
From someone who knows what it’s like,
Someone who cares.
The oneness of the soul.
Welcome to my life.?

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