I just can't win

May 18, 2010
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It was better when you only liked him.
But ever since you started dating
I feel like I've lost you.

I see you walking down the hall and say hello,
but you only see him and ignore me.
I continue walking getting the first feeling
that you are slipping from my grasp.

You're sitting at the lunch table when I sit down.
This is when I think I will be able to talk to you.

He calls you over to sit with him,
and without question, you do.
I smile at you as you get up and leave,
but it doesn't matter.

The feeling returns.
Except it's much stronger.

I go to talk to you online,
but all you can talk about is him.
How you think some girl is trying to steal him.
I honestly don't care
so I shut down the computer.

The feeling is overpowering me.
I don't want to lose you.
I hate to say this,
but I hope you break up.

I sit with you at lunch
and feel it is the polite thing to ask,
“How is the relationship going?”
You say fine and it crushes me.

Everyone can see I'm upset
and asks what's wrong?
I tell them I am mad at someone.

Then you ask me if it's you,
but I can't bring myself to say the truth.
I lie to you and say, “No.”

You could call it jealousy,
but it's more.
It's the fear of losing my best friend.

It's been awhile
since I've talked to you.
I've been trying to keep away
so I don't blow up in your face.

But then we meet.

You seem so depressed.
I ask you how you guys are
and you say, “We broke up.”

An ounce of joy
creeps inside of me.
And that's when I realize
how much of a jerk I was being.

I thought this would make everything better,
but things just got worse.
You're upset
and I'm upset.

I just can't win.

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