May 13, 2010
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I sit and stare,
My blood runs cold,
I can feel the tears,
They’re coming faster,
I need you here,
By my side,
I thought I was your ‘Ride or die’,

My tears turn black,
I let my eyes roll back,
In fear of losing you,
Somehow I lost myself too,
See that face,
Blank and pale,
With black mascara,
Gold eye shadow,
And warm colored cover up,
All mixed and smeared across my cheeks.

The face that was once shadowed,
Hidden-behind the pile of fake,
Was now naked,
Showing flaws.
I look and feel the hate,
The pain and suffering,
In my eyes,
I now see the disgust and disappointment
When I cry.

There I stand-still,
Still itching to find the will,
To continue,
But I don’t know how I ever can without you.
Thoughts racing in my mind,
Searching helplessly for the answer,
Impossible to find.

Still standing,
So alone,
Filled with empty promises,
Trust and falling,
My angel,
My perfection.

So different without a doubt,
That thing I sacrificed in the start,
Left that sting in that hole,
That left that scar on my heart.
You have changed me,
For the good,
Everyone told me that your not real,
Almost like the reflection that I see,
Staring back at me
But you told me I was the one,
And I knew you would.

Now you’re gone,
And everything has changed,
My plans are now re-arranged,
I realized that you don’t care,
About my feelings,
About my heart,
That thing that you’ve ripped apart.
So now time’s frozen,
And my eyes are swollen,

The clouds have been casting a shadow.
Upon my love struck face.
But the storm is passing.
The last rain drop.
Hits the floor.
I don’t see that reflection anymore,
No more rain,
No more tears,
When I look in the mirror,
My reflection doesn’t remind me of my fears.
I see me,
I am done trying to be something that I’m not.
Now I see you walking by,
I don’t stare,
I keep my head held high.
I no longer think of what I could have had,
If it was then it would be now.
But it’s not.

Now I look in the mirror and sit down,
No more black mascara,
No more cover up streaks,
Running and smeared all over my cheeks.
Because I need to be me,
At least once in my life,
Not forever dwelling on the past.
I know it is time to move on.

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