Dear Abuelito

May 15, 2010
By Alexandria Denogean BRONZE, Manteca, California
Alexandria Denogean BRONZE, Manteca, California
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

I sit back and reminisce on those days
The mornings we sat together and watched cartoons
The afternoons I spent following you around the house while you fixed things
The nights I hugged you tight and kissed your cheek goodnight
The days we shared before you were suddenly taken away

If I could have one last conversation with you I would tell you,
That watching cartoons was never the same anymore
I no longer had a role model to follow around the house
And I went to sleep with empty arms and no goodnight
The days just didn’t seem important anymore because you weren’t there
I wish I could have said goodbye

Abuelito, ‘member when you would chase me around the house
We’d run in circles around our brick built chimney
You’d be right behind me shouting “Give me a tooth”
I’d laugh, you’d laugh
It was our favorite game

If I could talk to you one more time I would tell you,
I no longer ran circles around that chimney
There was no one there to chase me or ask for a tooth
I didn’t laugh because you weren’t there to laugh with me
Instead I sat against that chimney and cried
I wish I could have said goodbye

Abuelito, ‘member when you would brag about me being just like you
You said I had your attitude, your personality, your good looks
You loved how I argued and never gave up
How I like to make people laugh, just as you did
How I had your eyes, your nose, your lips

If you were here today I would tell you,
That having your attitude, personality, and looks is what I cherish most about myself
My attitude always comes in handy, although it gets me in trouble
Without my personality, I wouldn’t have the friends I do
And looking in the mirror always reminds me of who I love most
I wish I could have said goodbye

Daddy picked us up from school that day
I was so excited ‘cause I wanted to get home and tell you all about my day
You were the only one that paid attention to what I talked about
But we weren’t going home; daddy said something happened
He said you were gone

If you were in front of me now I would tell you,
That I did not cry
I came home hoping he was wrong
But Daddy was right; You were gone and there was nothing I could do
If only I’d known that I had said my last “goodnight” to you
I wish I could have said goodbye

Everyone thought I was fine, I had not cried
I ate, played, laughed just like any other day
I guess I thought you were just on a vacation, you’d be back
The day of your funeral came
No one knew what to expect

If only you were sitting next to me; I would tell you,
That was the worst experience of my life
A piece of me died that day
Everything fell into place that afternoon
It finally hit me, you were really gone forever
I wish I could have said goodbye

Mom held tightly onto my hand as I walked to your casket
When I saw your lifeless body, I lost my strength
A low scream escaped my throat as I tried to breath
I cried so hard and grabbed onto your ice cold hand
“No” is all I could say

If only you were there that day; I would tell you,
That you were my hero, my best friend
That I loved you more than words could explain
And I didn’t want you to go, not now, not ever
I needed you here with me
I wish I could have said goodbye

The priest preached to us about god that day
He explained that god loved each and every one of us unconditionally
He said that god needed an angel and he picked you
You were in a much better place now
And that you would live on through our memories

If I could pray I would tell you,
That I hated the priest for a moment
God had enough angels, why you?
How could you be in a better place if I wasn’t right there with you?
If god loved me, than why was he hurting me?
I wish I could have said goodbye

Abuelito, I think about you every day
And every day I end up in tears
The pain doesn’t get any better, it just increases
I hurt more than anyone can imagine
Getting your name tattooed didn’t even hurt as much

If you could hear my thoughts I would tell you,
That even if my eyes never dry, forever I will think of you
I am not afraid to die because I know I’ll be with my abuelito
I promise you I will stand up tall
Until we meet again, just listen to my prayers
Because I’ll never get over that I didn’t get to say goodbye

The author's comments:
What inspired me to write this was thinking about my grandfather everyday and obsessing for the longest time about not being able to say goodbye. He was my best friend and i was his favorite granddaughter.

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