I Love Him Forever...

May 28, 2010
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I love him forever...
I love him so much
I love his beautiful blue eyes and his broad shoulders
I love the way he holds me in his arms
He treats me like a diamond he acts that he realy loves me
When he comes around my heart starts to pound harder
When he's not around my day goes black
i love hm forever and forever he will know





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This article has 10 comments. Post your own now!

necnec said...
Jun. 14, 2010 at 2:55 pm

It was good.

Could have definitely added more detail and made it longer.

 
JamieStarr replied...
Jun. 21, 2010 at 2:09 am
thank u for the advice :)
 
Nikki G. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 14, 2010 at 7:22 am

This is very good!

I'd suggest using more grammar throughout your writing though. It provides useful pauses for your readers. As I was reading this, I wasn't sure where to stop reading, or where to continue to let the flow go. This caused me to have to re-read it a bit, which made it slightly confusing and took away from the piece.

Good work! Keep it up! Send me a message when you have some new work up, and I'll come back to comment.

 

:)

-Nikki

 
JamieStarr replied...
Jun. 14, 2010 at 1:40 pm
thank u for helping me see what i need to improve. and i will definetly let you know when i have more work. :)
 
JamieStarr replied...
Jul. 8, 2010 at 2:46 pm
i have gotten more work please see if you like it
 
NikkiG This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 8, 2010 at 3:16 pm
will do! i'm on it :)
 
JamieStarr replied...
Jul. 23, 2010 at 11:18 am
hey i just posted a new one called unbreakable heart and it was on the front page :) will you check it out please
 
NikkiG This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 23, 2010 at 10:41 pm

front page of the magazine?!?!

i'll go look!

 
JamieStarr replied...
Jul. 25, 2010 at 4:41 pm
not any more they took it off someone else got it :(
 
NikkiG This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 26, 2010 at 8:21 am
Awww I'm sorry! How did you get it onto the magazine though?!?!
 
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