I am Torn

May 9, 2010
By Anonymous

I am torn
Torn between two families that have been created by my own parents mistakes
Both families that have caused me to unleash this rage on the document that plays me like toys
How I wonder to see my parents together again but when I see seperation, I feel desperation, a feeling only related to Juleit and Romeo as they desperately find peace in death
This feeling that can only be discovered by apocalypse the work of human survival
But now my future is filled it
The conclusion of a devious plot created as a way out a excuse to ignore what my parents have created
To ignore this lifestyle that is suddenly changed by divorce 
My parents have decided to end their marraige with this document that simply decrees my family is split to these two that have torn me like pages in a notebook
So how can I be strong
To live the life of two families who have left me to explain what has happened to my soul
How would my possible children feel when they learn there parents are splitting up all because of the experience that has affected their father mentally
Causing him to create cycle of these families thst can never be recovered
When I see my son's eyes as he cries the same tears that fell off my face in class when i had the teacher ask me whats wrong
And i had to tell her..... My parents are getting a divorce
A divorce? A divorce?
Why is this divorce such a negative affect on me
Why is this divorce like a shortcut for my parents but a dead end for me
Why is this divorce hiding my parents true love for eachother and their children
Because they don't care
They don't care that the boys and girls of divorced families feel torn
They don't care that when meeting another women or another man affects the kids way of thinking by the parents turning their mates to husbands and wifes and step moms and step dads in order to make the children feel better when we only feel like 
They don't care that these kids feel the wrath of a divorce harder than the them because we kill ourselves to feel alive
They don't even care about bringing not one but two babies into these two families into another marriage that will end up resulting into another divorce that chaotostrophicly kills me
But the friends
The peers hear these stories and report to their parents about a divorce and hope they will never have one but a divorce is as common as a cold
These peers that report to their teachers about how sad i feel about my mom and dad divorcing but the crowd should already know how i really feel
These teachers who go to their wifes or husbands about solving their relationships so that their children won't end up like me
And i am so tired of living a normal life because trippin over this tripple life that hates my mother or despise my father or hate her boyfriend or hate his wife  
i am so tired of hearing this fairy tale of my parents getting back together cause this signed document that states which place i go to each day slaps me in the face inspires this writing
These years that have supposed to have been filled with joy of my parents together  have only been blocked by these steps
These steps that hide themselves like hide and seek as these mysterious charecters as the best my parents have ever had but as soon as there is a ring on their finger they are off on a mission to elimenate what my old family have build up
These lifes in me that wear the same name wanting to complain and understand why this has to happened as it only gets worse
These lifes that kill me over and over again and bring me back for me have made me lose my feeling
Made me lose my sight of light that used to cover me with bright futures and successfulness
These lifes that block me like red pieces in a game of checkers that want to jump over my hopes and my dreams
Disregarding my parents first child
These pieces that are of me that treat me like a pawn in chess when they continue to change the battlefield
This divorce is nothing but a battle with my parents and we divorced kids are involved to the point where we realize how much our parents truly kept from us as they chose which one of us is in custody with the other or how much money we are worth
This child support that is used to confort me but no money can replace what I had with my family 
But as every two weeks passes by the money that i am worth is stuffed in my mothers purse to spend on her man.
But she says dont worry, i will have a job soon
It kills me by the fact that we are still supported by the money i am worth and what my father pays for. Just like a family
But a family that lives in two diffrent places and a family that cheats on eachother and a family with their own children but, you tell me your divorced?
I am torn
Torn by two families that seem to want me both
So i asked both of my parents, why did you get a divorce?
Why did you decide to carry on this useless hatred in me that is caused by this picese of paper that tries to define me and lie to me and make me think my life would be the same but it only reminds me of questions that never get anwsered
It is always the same old story, we werent meant for eachother
Then if u werent meant for eachother then why have you birthed my life into this madness and this war of you two going throught this seven letter word that supposed to be a holy number but it charges me and convinces me of my value to my parents that has been a lie the whole time by this seven letter word to the three number sixes that describes this devil who has given the choice to these couples who decide to risk thses kids futures as they sometimes divorce for the wrong reasons
So my parents resort to liying to me and i realize
I am torn
Torn between two families that both seem to value my worth in their pocket or how much their losing
Because these parents tell their kids life will all be the same
I have seen life on the other side and i will never fill sane
This seven letter word that is never looked upon to cause us so much pain is like
Why do they even attempt to care?
I have seen perfect families stay together for centuries but our parents want to use this seven letter word
Our parents feel their relationship was over or they didn't feel that connection
But can you feel the connection from me
Am I supposed to suffer all because my own parents couldn't get their act together?
I am torn
Torn between two families that don't notice how much im cut down from this divorce
And i am so tired of waiting to be attached again

The author's comments:
My parent's divorce inspired this poem.

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