my thoughts feel like paper cuts,
i have to keep them in my journal
so they can’t catch something and start to pull.
and i miss you even though i won’t say your name,
and i miss all the words we never spoke
and all the moments we always stole
and every second you’ll never let me borrow
from what we used to be.
we’ve imprinted this on the inside of our skin.
and even when we can see each other’s thoughts
mold in the dark we are bound by what made us
and we can never leave.
because those nights filled up every space inbetween
so the light can’t peek through our cracks.
and now the wood floors creak
like all the thoughts you’ve made me think.
remember when we jumped the fence,
splinters in our palms reaching for the roof,
for courage and blinking in the face of weak knees.
the sun burnt our heads but we didn’t want to come down.
we still won’t come down. we’re still sitting up on that roof
watching the afternoon unravel into the evening,
watching stars and wishing we could pluck them,
pretending we’re so tough that we could touch them,
but never really trying to reach.
and do you remember when we stole the car
and did cart wheels in the parking lot until the sun came down.
we went home dizzy and happy, with freckled shoulders and dirty hands.
when we were younger, we used to disappear.
we used to float around the room and no one else could reach.
but i lost you in all the noise.
couldn’t separate the sound and peel you out,
couldn’t tell you how much i would miss you
when the seasons said you were gone,
couldn’t find you in time to tell you
how lovely i always thought that you were,
how lonely i would be when i couldn’t watch you
when you stared off into space and wonder
if you were thinking the same thoughts as me.
couldn’t reach my fingers out to grab you by the stars
and dig my nails into the comets that made you,
tell you we were best friends,
tell you i’ve made too many wishes
on all your parts to ever forget.
but we built this paper world to fill with paper things.
and now our thoughts are thin like bible pages.
i’ve shined a light through yours too many times to count,
and i just want to go home.