Death

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Frosty arms close round your chest.
As eyes close, you finish your quest.
Darkness closes around your eye
Your breath escapes, a cold death sigh
A roaring river, the final test
To separate the kindness from the evil nest
The splashing waters of kindly and trust
The place where the dead will never turn to dust





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Pitiful_Anonymous said...
Aug. 3, 2010 at 10:23 am
this was amazing! The only problem is that i wish it was longer!  You did really great and have really given people a sense of what death is like.. great job! :)
 
AvengedJasonFold said...
Jun. 30, 2010 at 9:41 pm
That was pretty awesome. I wish it was longer lol
 
sleeplessdreamer said...
Jun. 30, 2010 at 1:01 pm
This good. But something about the flow is a little bit choppy. BUT I am OBSESSED with imagery and metaphors, and you displayed them beautifully. (Don't change this into a short story by the way like someone suggested. It's better as a poem.) Work on the flow and this will be AMAZING! And if you could check out my work sometime that would be great!
 
deka9 said...
Jun. 30, 2010 at 10:28 am
This is great! I love how you make death sounds so peaceful and carefree, hahaha. I also like your allusion of the river in the Greek mythology. When I read that, the picture of the river and the boat came to my mind clearly, hahaha. Good job, keep up the good works.
 
roxymutt said...
Jun. 7, 2010 at 8:40 pm
mmmm i like this...hahaha im usually not a poetry reader and i think differen but i can deffinantly see this as more then a poem you could turn this into a short story! :D its a great idea...and ur right most people think others die and just go in the ground but in water the body actually is somewhat preserved for a while!!! i know ur a poetry person but if you could check out my work it's quite short that would be lovely! its called beep... if you get the chance...if not thats alright too! good... (more »)
 
DaisyC. said...
Jun. 1, 2010 at 4:45 pm
Nice! I especially liked the part about the river (who would have thought.) Keep it up.
 
Emma B. replied...
Jun. 2, 2010 at 5:31 am
Thanks! The river is supposed to be the River Styx from greek mythology.
 
Authorgal98 replied...
Jun. 27, 2010 at 6:26 pm
Oh, yeah! And i loved the imagrary, too ^.^
 
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