The Girl I Thought I Would Never Be

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Being a teenage girl, thinking I know this world.
Same story, back and forth.
“Don’t worry about me, through the situation I can sort.”
Secretly praying every girl wishes to see me fall.
When I am with you, I become the envy I wished.
Not knowing that they will see me fall,
In the ditch I helped you myself, dig for my soul.
Although for you and me, I didn’t expect this would be.
New dreams whispered in my ear.
I tell you; No, with a smile,
You state you will respect my wishes.
I claim, I won’t be 'her,' and believe this all.
Should this be the beginning of the end, I did not know.

Will you judge me
If I don’t believe
Every lie you let slip from your lips and finger tips?
The stories that fall
From the mouths of those you’re around,
Will change it all,
And soon force my fall.
How can I… if I were to be so naïve,
Let rumor get round that a girl can believe.
Words round the neighborhood
Would fly
How would you see me now?
You think
I’m ready to play
Into your tricks.
I know
She will warn me; I’m better than that.
She will see
Just what you’re doing
And say;
It’s time for me
To just let go.
I try too hard
But I over indulge in your new games.
The moment I look away;
Attention is lost,
Again you open up the game;
Prepare to play.

My eyes are tired of the weep,
I’m begging you,
Release the hold on me.
I fell for your trap,
You got me;
I’m gone.
She says; I was destroyed over a story,
My Barbie dream spilled from your teeth
But I know what happened
Between you and me,
I dare not explain,
She will tell me; I am nothing but naïve.
I know, things were once great,
I felt three words chanting from my chest,
What happened? She’ll doubtfully ask.
Tears will reply for me,
Each stream will scream, the 'bros' intervened.
I know they gave you ideas,
Struck your mind.
I only wish to know when the adoration stopped,
And the passion became
Only words dripping from your golden eyes
And scarlet lips.
You thought you could play me?
She will say; she knows I am better than that.
Am I?
I know not to truthfully answer,
We both know I gave in,
Let few simple words read from your lips,
I gave you everything I had.
More than we knew I could.
Every taste of my heart,
Laid on yours, that is made of
No more than wood.
I cry, I wonder,
How many Jane Doe’s
Will you 'commit' to,
As you had to me?
What number am I?
What recognition do you still hold of me?
Will you call me
Another faceless story?
You mix our fantasies with what
We know is real.
You call my cries a cliché.
I stand to label them,
Story of a girl.

Sitting in this world
Thoughts flying,
Bullets smashing
Through my mind
Too much for
Just one little girl.
Causing me to ask
Where was Daddy to pillow my fall?
To sit in his lap,
While she allowed him to comfort his angel.
To stroke his baby,
To mend the heart
Of his little girl.
To let preach through and through;
Nothing was my fault.
He will insist,
That naughty boy took what he could,
And didn’t stay around long enough
To listen for the break of the glass heart he created.
But Daddy won’t be here,
Is that why I make my mistakes?
I turn and embrace whatever I can receive
But now there is nothing left for me.
None but the comfort of the white walls.
Friends; they told me so.
Brother; how could I be such a thoughtless, little girl?
I dare not think, for all I can consists of pain.
I question, but how can I ignore the blame I trench my body in,
Ready to blaze afire
Every time your name hits the floor,
A bomb;
An explosion sets loose.
I cannot think of anything but you and me,
I am selfish to wallow in my now accepted defeat.
I guess they will all know better than me.
I’m glad I did not give you,
What every boy wants.
They all think they know
That very thing happened.
But the last piece I held on to,
Was the mistake I never made.
Although I did not give
What you will consider 'my everything,'
I had just as well
Handed an unworthy boy
My heart and dreams,
Wrapped in a heart shaped box,
That he barely returned;
Crushed, broken, and stomped with his truths.

What they will never know,
Is this is what each girl will do
If you had stuck around any longer,
Just for the last drop of their very own, you.
Next time, another 'next time,'
Will not stand with me.

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