Shapes

April 30, 2010
By callmebaddog SILVER, Spokane, Washington
callmebaddog SILVER, Spokane, Washington
8 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today.
-James Dean


There’s a shape in my mouth that I just can’t avoid,
it drills holes in my tongue,
and diamonds in my teeth.

It greats everyone I meet,
everyone but you.

It hides between my lungs,
although it doesn’t help out,
sometimes it seeps from my mouth.

Air is what it is,
it’s what you take from me,
it leaves when you come around.

Leaves when I want to speak.
It doesn’t help my knees,
it blows against them,
makes them weak.

Perhaps it’s not the air,
or the words I try to form,
but my mouth itself
it’s so tired,
and worn.


The author's comments:
I found this while digging through my language arts section. I hope you guys enjoy this, it's one of my favorites...

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This article has 10 comments.


on Aug. 5 2011 at 11:04 pm
musicispassion PLATINUM, Perris, California
35 articles 0 photos 735 comments

Favorite Quote:
" Life is never easy for those who dream."
There are so many other quotes i need pages to write them

descriptive and i loke the metaphors great job keep up the goo work :p

on Aug. 3 2011 at 11:47 pm
corallee DIAMOND, Newport Coast, California
50 articles 0 photos 34 comments
Very nice. The last 8 lines really made the poem for me--I like how the view is slowly changed throughout the poem, from the cliche "I can't breathe when i'm around you" idea to the fact that there really might be a back story, ("my mouth itself is so tired and worn"). The only critique I have is the one spelling error. 

on Aug. 3 2011 at 7:22 pm
silver_ice BRONZE, Wheelock, Texas
4 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
Imagination is the eye of the soul.
-Joseph Joubert
and
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
-Mark Twain ;P

this is so pretty! when i saw the title i expected something different but this is sweet ;)

msp49 BRONZE said...
on Aug. 3 2011 at 6:29 pm
msp49 BRONZE, Middletown, Connecticut
4 articles 1 photo 39 comments
I wasn't too sure what this poem was going to be about when I clicked on it, considering the name, but it turned out to be different than I expected...I liked it a lot.  Especially the last four lines!  Great job!

inspir3d GOLD said...
on Aug. 3 2011 at 3:35 pm
inspir3d GOLD, Norcross, Georgia
11 articles 2 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
We're all just looking for attention, to be discovered overnight. We're all frustrated by the popular ones that claim the limelight before they fall to pieces. So many of us are stuck under the radar--what makes me different? You decide!

This is beautiful, poignant, relatable...I love it!! Although the spelling errors were a little distracting. Ex: greats-->greets. Keep writing!!

on Aug. 2 2011 at 10:29 pm
callmebaddog SILVER, Spokane, Washington
8 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today.
-James Dean

I think I'm more cut out for romance, yes! And I don't really remember why my mouth was like that, not to detailed why either...hmmm. But thank you! If you are ever to post that poem let me know! I'd love to read it!

on Aug. 2 2011 at 10:15 pm
thetruthawaits94 SILVER, Duncan, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 353 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

This is adorable! you're a bit of a romance writer aren't you? :) At least of the two poems i've read so far, lol! I wrote a a poem that was called "Out of Words, You Snatched My Sound" This poem reminded me of it. That poem isn't on the site though, so I'm not asking you to read it or anything... Anyway, One thing that threw me a bit was the end. why is your mouth tired and worn? Have you been talking a lot? Overall, I liked it a ton!

on Aug. 2 2011 at 8:04 pm
callmebaddog SILVER, Spokane, Washington
8 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today.
-James Dean

Thanks guys! Most of these are a year or two old, I didn't really read over these before I posted them I guess! My bad! :P

on Aug. 2 2011 at 7:37 pm
JerseyGirl716 BRONZE, Central, New Jersey
2 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot." -Eleanor Roosevelt

Couldn't agree more! Not much else to add, but just so you know "great" in stanza 2 should be "greet". Other than that, awesome job!

on Aug. 2 2011 at 7:29 pm
TwasBrilling BRONZE, Staunton, Va, Virginia
4 articles 0 photos 79 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The owl of Minerva spreads its wings only with the falling of the dusk" -H.W. Hegel

"Words are our most inexhaustable source of magic' -Albus Dumbledore

Awesome! Very well written...you kept me guessing, on the edge of my seat, until stanza 4!


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