April 30, 2010
There’s a shape in my mouth that I just can’t avoid,
it drills holes in my tongue,
and diamonds in my teeth.

It greats everyone I meet,
everyone but you.

It hides between my lungs,
although it doesn’t help out,
sometimes it seeps from my mouth.

Air is what it is,
it’s what you take from me,
it leaves when you come around.

Leaves when I want to speak.
It doesn’t help my knees,
it blows against them,
makes them weak.

Perhaps it’s not the air,
or the words I try to form,
but my mouth itself
it’s so tired,
and worn.

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This article has 10 comments. Post your own now!

musicispassion said...
Aug. 5, 2011 at 11:04 pm
descriptive and i loke the metaphors great job keep up the goo work :p
corallee This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 3, 2011 at 11:47 pm
Very nice. The last 8 lines really made the poem for me--I like how the view is slowly changed throughout the poem, from the cliche "I can't breathe when i'm around you" idea to the fact that there really might be a back story, ("my mouth itself is so tired and worn"). The only critique I have is the one spelling error. 
silver_ice said...
Aug. 3, 2011 at 7:22 pm
this is so pretty! when i saw the title i expected something different but this is sweet ;)
msp49 said...
Aug. 3, 2011 at 6:29 pm
I wasn't too sure what this poem was going to be about when I clicked on it, considering the name, but it turned out to be different than I expected...I liked it a lot.  Especially the last four lines!  Great job!
inspir3d This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 3, 2011 at 3:35 pm
This is beautiful, poignant, relatable...I love it!! Although the spelling errors were a little distracting. Ex: greats-->greets. Keep writing!!
thetruthawaits94 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 10:15 pm
This is adorable! you're a bit of a romance writer aren't you? :) At least of the two poems i've read so far, lol! I wrote a a poem that was called "Out of Words, You Snatched My Sound" This poem reminded me of it. That poem isn't on the site though, so I'm not asking you to read it or anything... Anyway, One thing that threw me a bit was the end. why is your mouth tired and worn? Have you been talking a lot? Overall, I liked it a ton!
betweenyouandi replied...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 10:29 pm
I think I'm more cut out for romance, yes! And I don't really remember why my mouth was like that, not to detailed why either...hmmm. But thank you! If you are ever to post that poem let me know! I'd love to read it!
TwasBrilling said...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 7:29 pm
Awesome! Very well kept me guessing, on the edge of my seat, until stanza 4!
JerseyGirl716 replied...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 7:37 pm
Couldn't agree more! Not much else to add, but just so you know "great" in stanza 2 should be "greet". Other than that, awesome job!
betweenyouandi replied...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 8:04 pm
Thanks guys! Most of these are a year or two old, I didn't really read over these before I posted them I guess! My bad! :P
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